Meat substitutes: Buy ‘em by the mile!  »

A factory says it can make a vegetable-based meat substitute by the mile. BY THE MILE. Do you guys even now how long that is?! It’s 5,280 feet. That’s, like, almost 1,000 Sarahs laid end to end.* It’s really long.

So great news, right? The environment wins, the animals win, our digestive systems win. The downfall, however, is that our taste buds might not win—yet. Those crazy scientists are experimenting with a lot of plants to design just the right combo. The substitute will hit the market in about a year.

Can we get this technology on other shit? Like, tofu by the mile. Or kittens by the mile. Or friendship bracelets by the mile. Vegan shoes by the mile! What else?!

*Ed. note: Sarah has forced me to reference Dorothy Parker: If a thousand Sarahs were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. Ha! She gets laid! -MR

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