Hello, Friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

What is wrong with America’s teenagers? No, really; this is not a rhetorical question. I’m not even talking about teen moms and Miley Cyrus (although, LOTS WRONG THERE! But I am going to blame Achy-Breaky Daddy for THAT!). I am, in fact, talking about prom queens (unsubstantiated!) that shoot bears for fun.

Here is a direct quote from Jessica Olmstead, who shot a 448-pound black bear with her brand-new bow and arrow set!

 Says Jessica, “Whenever I see a bear I just want to go at it. When you’re hunting, your heart is racing, your blood is pumping, and you feel that adrenaline rush. I really love to hunt.”

I’m sorry, what? I could not hear you over your psychopathic ramblings. When you see a bear, you “just want to go at it”? Sounds like sexual frustration to me. Also: it’s interesting that your first instinct upon seeing a bear is to shoot it dead. My first instinct upon seeing a bear is to shit my pants (because bears are huge and also want to eat your picnic!). My second instinct is to run like hell because WHAT THE FUCK! That’s a fucking bear that weighs more than I do!! My third instinct is to shoot—WAIT FOR IT—a picture or maybe a video. The idea of murdering the bear just for being in your sight line? Not normal! You don’t need to shoot a bear for food or in self-defense. You are shooting a bear for fun. And then you are gutting it and posing for pictures and talking about how awesome the experience was. Charmer!

Side note: Don’t you wish new weapons were more like ice skates? Remember that part in Ice Princess when the evil girl’s mom bought Michelle Trachtenberg those awesome new skates and she didn’t know that you have to break skates in before you compete in them and so she fell and hurt herself? Wouldn’t it be awesome if the same thing happened with bows and arrows? Perhaps then we would have fewer mid-American beauties/high-school hunting stars shooting at shit they have no business shooting at.

Oh, hey! Here’s a nine-year-old girl who broke a record for shooting a bear! You’d think that a website titled “Black Bear Heaven” would be into preserving and loving black bBears, but apparently it is actually into SENDING them to heaven. And encouraging children to kill them. And then discussing whether these children actually broke a record with their murder. These are the same people who will be surprised, 10 years from now, when they hear that their little darling has gone on a six-state killing spree (CONJECTURE! PURE CONJECTURE!).

Quick question: Remember that one girl who was dumping puppies into the river (WARNING: video clip)? Why was everyone so outraged about that? Why were people calling for her arrest and murder? What did she do that was so different from these girls who are being encouraged, if not outright celebrated? What makes her throwing puppies into a river so much worse than shooting a black bear and then posing on top of the carcass for pictures? Is it because puppies are cute? Bears are also cute! Is it because puppies are domesticated animals we can control and therefore love, versus Black Bears whom we cannot be bringing into our home? Why does that make it OK? I’m not saying that throwing puppies into a river is OK AT ALL. It is HORRIBLE and REPREHENSIBLE. I am saying, however, that there shouldn’t be a crazy double standard that allows us to call for the death/rape/mutilation of a 12-year-old girl while politely applauding Jessica Olmstead and ignoring our friend Sarah Palin’s AERIAL WOLF-HUNTING.

I know I’m probably preaching to the choir here, but this stuff makes me so sad and so angry!  

Let’s motivate ourselves by watching a bear give it back. And by “bear,” I mean panda. Please excuse that it’s from some disgusting dairy product; this panda is too cute/insane to resist! Just pretend it’s Panda Cheese by Tofutti…actually, can anyone veganize this for us!? 

[can’t see the video? watch it at!]


Have an awesome Wednesday! Please send me links for next week!

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