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Asparagus: the new gateway drug  »

Caterers in England have invented a dish called Colombian Asparagus. You snort it; the powder smells just like cooked asparagus, which makes sense because it’s made of cooked asparagus (plus some other secret magical stuff).  It costs $2,240 an ounce (or £50 GB a gram[me]—that took some MATH, people). I want my money back if it doesn’t make my pee smell funny.

This new dish has some obvious problems, primarily that it’s stupid. Why would I want to snort my food? That’s not going to get me full at all.

British anti-drug advocates are freaking out about the “message” this stupid food-product for the wealthy sends. Lucy Dawe of Cannabis Skunk Sense (WTF’s up with that name? I’m not even touching that) tells the Daily Mail: 

‘Personally, I think it’s very irresponsible. People might think it’s a huge joke but to me it’s a very dangerous precedent to set.

‘It’s extremely provocative, I can see no reason to turn this into something you can sniff—I’m sure there’s lots of other ways they could have turned it into something you can eat.*

‘It does risk bring more and more people into contact with drugs, a world where there’s nothing but misery waiting for them.’”

Um, seriously? I snorted Pixy Stix back when I was 12 and all I learned was that it hurts to get stuff up your nose; I never moved on to snorting actually intoxicating substances. Does this person think popping Advil is a gateway to ecstasy—same delivery method!

I think you should do what you want with your own money and asparagus. I guess that makes me an asparagus-libertarian. Asparatarian! This isn’t even the worst use of asparagus I’ve ever seen; that prize goes to the Asparagus Juice I tried in Taiwan back in 2006:

SO GROSS!

I recommend roasting your asparagus at about 450 F until the smoke alarm goes off/it’s tasty and crispy, then drizzling it with a little balsamic vinegar. That’s how it’s done in America, biatches.

*Like by just EATING it? It started as a food, lady.