Hello, friends! It’s Mark’s WTF Wednesday! »
You guys, two epic things happened in the past week! First, I turned 28 and then I got monumentally sick. I was so sick, in fact, that I showed up to my own awesome birthday party woozy and coughing up a storm, but still managed to have an awesome time and offend my mother with my horrible jokes. She sat in a corner of the room the entire night and sent me pictures of myself from her phone with desperate captions begging me I calm down and stop swearing so much. I couldn’t do it! I love to swear! Maybe that’s why I’m still sick.
You know how sick I am? I am writing this post from bed, where I am curled up with my knitting, Charmed queued up on Netflix (I am just starting to watch this show! Ten years late!), and my phone all ready to call up Allen and make demands of him. He doesn’t buy it anymore, though. Allen used to be at my beck and call when I was sick, but now he just tells me to stop pretending I’m going to die and drink some Theraflu. Can you imagine that he and I will have been together for four years on Sunday? Gross! I hope things don’t get too serious!
Man, am I feeling ornery this week. That’s why I’m please as punch (take that!) that a zoo couldn’t get pandas to mate in captivity. Not only did pandas Sunshine and Sweetie fail to produce an heir, but they straight-up wrestled instead of doing the deed. I can relate to this because this is what also happens in my personal life. Every time I try to hug Allen at night, he kicks me. Hard. Then he blames me for bothering him because I should know that he is a very precise sleeper and cannot be touched. He also does this fantastic thing where, as soon as I have left the room during the night (even for as little as 30 seconds) he will roll himself into a sushi with ALL of the covers. Then, when I try to get them back, he kicks me! Four years, you guys!
Since this has kind of turned into my “grumpy anniversary post,” let me show you a video of a dog freaking out on an escalator (as dogs are wont to do) as the dude accompanying him laughs it up.
That is some adorable shit, you might be thinking, but how are you going to relate that to your own relationship? Easy, you guys. Allen is also a very particular escalator rider! He has to stand on his own step and look serious the entire time! And woe betide anyone who attempts to get on the step with him; he will put his arms out like a plane and prevent you (this is also how he dances), and if you still persist he will kick you. And by you, I mean me. And by kick, I mean ask politely to step up or down. Allen, like this adorable dog, knows that riding the escalator is serious business.
Let me end this for you with a clip of a baby otter squeaking. I’m going to post it without comment and not even relate it to Allen. This, I feel, is the way anniversary present I can give him because I am not sharing any more of his personal history and embarrassing moments.
That’s it for this week! Send me links for next week and have a love-filled Wednesday!
A giant panda cub gets silly for the camera at the Wolong National Nature Reserve in Sichuan, China! What a goof! Why are pandas so damn cute?! I think it’s all the eye makeup. It’d be garish on anyone else—but not on you, silly!
Photo by Mitsuaki Iwago/Minden/Solent via The Telegraph
Two panda cubs having a wrestle! HuffPo brings news that the China Conservation and Research Center for the Giant Panda in partnership with explore.org has set up two live panda-cams, starring four panda toddlers who live at the center.
Watching little pandas play is good for what ails you. Bad day at work? The pandas are eating bamboo! Fight with a loved one? Pandas wrestling! Lonely? Four panda cubs are napping in a big fuzzy heap!
East Bay Vegan Bakesale! Plus sexy pandas, peek-a-boo owls, and your big fat pets in this week’s (abbreviated) link-o-rama! »
Hello, tiny owl! This is Sam Adams, a resident of the Pennsylvania Audubon Society Center bird sanctuary, who really wants to be in pictures. So much so that he hogged this nice couples’ wedding photo, but that is all right with us because marriage is patriarchal nonsense, while saving owls is wonderful and right. [photo by Hoffer Photography/Rex Features]
No Worries Filipino Vegetarian Cuisine will hold its grand opening celebration tomorrow, Saturday, Oct. 30 from 4 to 9 p.m. You can enjoy a special chef’s menu and live music, and an Oakland city official will participate in a ribbon-cutting ceremony. You know Vegansaurus loves No Worries, and we expect this chef’s menu to be extra-tasty. See you at 1442 Franklin Street (at 15th Street) in Oakland!
Hey Boston-area readers! Friend of Vegansaurus, vegan, and ridiculously talented writer Kevin Fanning is participating in a reading as part of Arts at the Armory in Somerville, Mass., on Monday, Nov. 1. You should go! It is like 15 minutes from Boston, no excuses. Buy a chapbook while you’re there, tell them Vegansaurus sent you.
Have you dreamed of growing your own shiitake mushrooms? You are in luck, San Francisco: the Studio for Urban Projects in conjunction with 18 Reasons presents a one-day workshop on exactly that! Led by Maria Finn, the workshop will take place on Monday, Nov. 1 from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Studio for Urban Projects at 3579 17th St. at Dolores. The registration fee is $45 per person, which also includes all the materials you’ll need to “inoculate and care for your own shiitake log.” Further information, including registration, here.
Friday, Nov. 5 is Worldwide Anti-Whaling Day. We’ll give you a more detailed post next week, but mark this on your calendars now: the Northern California protest is set for 3 p.m. that day at the Consulate General of Japan, at 50 Fremont St. in San Francisco. For now, read the official WWAWD site for more information.
Good news, panda-lovers: All of 19 little pandas were born in captivity this year as of last week, the most since 18 in 2006. Chinese scientists credit their success in part to the panda porn program, which shows dumb young male pandas what they’re supposed to be doing with the female pandas—you have no time for adorable, chaste snuggling, pandas. Get to business or die trying, as it were.
Animals who maybe could use a little less human intervention: your cats and dogs, which are all as MORBIDLY OBESE as ALL ENGLISH-SPEAKING WHITE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, and the Medicare won’t pay for canine-sized Hoverounds, so stop feeding them from your dang plates. Seriously. If you really can’t resist giving your little puppykins treats, toss ‘em some vegetables while you’re chopping them up for your dinner. The dogs I live with eat everything except raw garlic and leafy greens; they love raw onion and every other piece of produce they’ve tried. It’s a win-win! Winston loves bananas, and look how healthy and happy he is! Or at least healthy.
Finally, mark another entry in the Annals of Self-Promotion: Laura’s “Week in Vegan” column debuts in the SF Weekly today! She’s great, go read it!
Hello friends, it’s WTF Wednesday! »
Well, hello there! Aren’t you looking attractive today! Almost as attractive as these dogs in a photo booth:
[Photo from vi.sualize.us]
These dogs are not only looking awesome (SUNDAY BEST, MOTHERFUCKERS!) but are also emulating exactly what each one of us does in a photo booth: one regular photo and then three photos of insane making out. Even if you’re taking the photo alone. Which I usually am. That means it’s usually just one photo of me smiling for my mom and then three of me frantically tonguing the wall and crying. Life!
Last week I got an email (email me!) from Becki who lives halfway across the world (as soon as I got it I was all, “WHOA! STOP THE PRESSES! ALLEN I GOT A LETTER FROM SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE!” and Allen was all, “like a real letter? In one of those awesome envelopes?” and I said “SURE! EXACTLY LIKE THAT! BUT IN MY EMAIL!” and then Allen groaned at me and went back to sleep because he does not like to be disturbed at 3 a.m. Something about working in the morning. BORING!)! Becki wanted to share something great and uplifting with me (which will get its own post!) to combat some of the sadness of the last WTF Wednesday offerings. I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and so today we’re going to shatter the idea that WTF Wednesday has to be all doom and gloom! Because it doesn’t! It’s whatever we want it to be! It is like the ’70s! Except without STDs! Or, rather, with fewer STDs!
Let’s talk about Hamsters! First of all, hamsters are the world’s most perfect animal. I know that you may disagree with me, but you are wrong. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I went vegetarian because I adopted a hamster off the street. I AM NOT BIASED AT ALL! You want more proof? You ever see a wombat (very cute!) wielding a chainsaw? You ever see a prairie dog (adorable!) playing rap? You may not know this but Hamsters are OGs (and I am not talking OLIVE GARDEN!). Bunny (R.I.P. BIG POPPA!) used to terrorize bigger animals all the time! She taught my other hamsters how to escape their cages! She once tossed a piece of corn at someone for looking at her wrong! If Bunny were with us today, I’m sure she could have taught these hip-hop HAMSTAZ a thing or two! Sadly, there was one thing Bunny couldn’t do: she couldn’t play an instrument, so she was never able to join a jazz trio. I will never forgive myself for not encouraging her love of music.
Then there are pandas! Yes, I know! You’ve seen the baby panda sneezing? An oldie but a goody! BUT have you seen this panda have a sneezing fit? No, you go ahead! I will just wait patiently until you finish convulsing in reaction to all of the cute flooding your system. But why leave it at pandas? Do other animals not sneeze? Isn’t there a baby elephant, perhaps, sneezing itself silly somewhere? Why yes, YES THERE IS! Let’s just stop this before we both pass out! Let’s go look at something sparkly!
Laura just hepped me (lolz!) to this awesome video of people dressed as MY LITTLE PONY doing musicals. First, horses and ponies are so rad, and I love reading good stories about them, AND ALSO HATE reading bad news (everyone help the wild horses!). Secondly, when that blue pony is doing “Defying Gravity” and climbs up onto the ramp to sing the grand finale, I almost cried. Not only because it is a fucking pony singing and dancing,* but because it wanted to keep the INTEGRITY of the original staging! Why is there not more stuff like this on the internet? Usually you just get this guy doing songs from A Chorus Line with the most dramatic head rolls I’ve ever seen. How does he not give himself whiplash? He used to do an amazing cover of “Part of Your World,” and although this is not his original version, the CAMERA WORK and props are amazing. I wish he wouldn’t refer to him as a “boy” in the song, though. You’re going to do Little Mermaid? You’ve got to OWN Little Mermaid, like Abby and I did for Hazel’s benefit! Fuck it, here we are being fabulous:
[can’t see the video? watch it at vegansaurus.com!]
Boy, am I exhausted! You know what would counteract that (besides not receiving any more lectures from Allen for waking him up at night for no good reason when he has to put up with me all day already AND JESUS, MARK!)? If you would send me links that would make you happy to see on Vegansaurus! Links to articles and videos that gave you pause and/or made you think “oh my god, what is UP with that?”
And puppies! You see those puppies up there? We can have that EVERY WEEK! And it’s all up to you! and my editor [Ed.: Damn skippy, crazy!]. But mostly YOU! AT LEAST 89 PERCENT YOU!
Have an awesome day!
Cute picture of the day! I saw this picture on Telegraph.co.uk and thought I’d share because it’s totally adorbs. According to WWF, the giant panda is one of the world’s most threatened animals. This panda is at The Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding. I can’t tell how legit this place is. They’re not a zoo and they are focused on giant panda conservation. Back in the day, they “rescued” 6 pandas from the wild but they say they are proud to have not taken a panda from the wild in 20 years. That’s pretty good. Ultimately they want to introduce more giant pandas into the wild so that’s pretty good. They also seem to be very considerate about the size of panda enclosures—they look totally huge.
They have one line I kind of like: “Humans, as the most intelligent species on the planet, have the duty to protect the giant panda, the environment, and ultimately ourselves.” I don’t know if we’re really the most intelligent species* but I do think we’re the biggest threat to animals and this idea that we have a duty to protect them is right up my alley. This is how I feel when people accuse me of caring more about animals than people. It’s not that I care more about animals, it’s that I think we have an obligation to protect animals since we are the main threat to them. Kids and animals, we have to protect them from us since they can’t do it themselves. At least that’s my opinion on the matter!
Back to pandas! Why are they so cute? Is it because they wear so much makeup? Genius idea!: we should all dress like pandas! Like, everyday! You go first.
*”species” is a total joke, btw! It barely means anything. That’s my word.