Things that make you go WTF: monkeys chained to tightrope-walking goats  »

Life lesson number one, my friends: if you ever find yourself chaining a monkey to a goat, you are doing something wrong.

Apparently this is a thing. I saw the above picture on that goats on stuff blog. Then I did a search and found all these other pictures of other goats on tightropes with monkeys on them. WTF?! The world is totally effed. I’m kind of over it. We should all just drink poison and have an end-of-the-world party. Just kidding! I hate group activities.

As far as I can tell from the various sites these pics are posted on, these are all from zoos in China. Jesus Christmas, China! Get your shit together! This isn’t cool. Have you all heard of this? Can I get a resounding WTF?


Feeding baby elephants to inmates? What kind of fuckery is this?  »

[Can’t see the video? Watch on]

I’m posting the video above to illustrate what complicated and emotional animals elephants are. The video is about a poor little baby elephant that lost its family and is totally depressed. Elephants have strong feelings of mourning and loss and as sad as this baby is, I imagine it’s got to be at least that traumatic for an adult elephant to lose a calf.

Why am I talking about this? Because there is a proposition in Zimbabwe to cull baby elephants and feed them to prisoners. The world is going crazy!

Wildlife conservationists are not into this plan. From the Zimbabwe Independent:

Johnny Rodrigues of the Zimbabwe Conservation Task Force slammed the proposal, arguing that the move would result in the extinction of elephants and in the long result in the “killing” of the tourism industry.

He said: “This is the most dangerous thing that they will be doing if approved. One of the biggest foreign currency earners in the country is tourism. How then can we steal from our own heritage? Why are we selling our future heritage down the drain? We should be looking after these intelligent animals so that they are not killed. Government should actually be putting in harsh laws to protect these animals.”

Rodrigues said despite claims by authorities that there were 100,000 elephants in the country, the number had gone down to less than 35,000.

I don’t know shit about the Zimbabwe prison system and it sounds like it is not a good situation (that seems to be a theme in prison systems) but really? Baby elephants? There has got to be an alternative. Some reports are saying the prisoners haven’t had meat in four years—I haven’t had meat in 11 and I’m just fine! But seriously, I don’t feel bad for them, not for lack of meat that is (I generally feel bad for prisoners because I’m always worried they were innocent. Hurricane, guys, HURRICANE). You don’t need meat to reach any nutritional requirements prisoners are lacking. I feel like this really comes from some idea that people have a god-given right to have meat, like it’s abusive to deny people meat. That whole concept is ridiculous. There’s a lot of abuse that goes on in prisons but making people eat vegetarian is not one of them. 

I don’t have a solution but come on, there has to be something else they can do! They could be trailblazers with some innovative sustainable farming set-up! Though according to the Independent, they don’t have enough money for prison uniforms so I don’t know if that’s feasible but it could be cool! And pay for itself in the long run! Maybe Amnesty International can step in or something! Just ANYTHING besides culling baby mother-loving elephants, please. For goodness’ sake.


It’s Adopt the Internet Day!  »

Petfinder Adopt-the-Internet DayI think this is my new favorite holiday! On this the holiest of days, Petfinder wants you to spread the word online: Adopt! You can get a cool badge like me if you want and add it to your own blog or website.

I’m glad we’re talking about adopting because people buying dogs has really gotten to me lately. Listen to this: my friend’s family had a really skittish dog; they said he was skittish because he was SHIPPED FROM AUSTRALIA when he was too old. This dog was shipped at 10 weeks instead of eight weeks or whatever. I guess the idea is that if you ship the puppy when it’s young enough, they aren’t conscious enough to remember the ordeal. The dog was a special Australian “doodle” of some sort and I guess they just had to have one of these dogs even though that’s completely insane. But what would you have them do?! Get an AMERICAN doodle?! Rubbish!

Oh and get this: the breeder doesn’t even live in a major city so the puppies have a five-hour truck ride before they even get to the airport. Nice. This dog was super-duper permanently skittish and jumpy because of this ridiculous trip. Sadly, the dog was hit by a car a few months ago and died. He was a good dog and it was very sad. But then IMMEDIATELY my friend’s parents go to contact the Australian breeder so they can get one of their deceased dog’s family members! I couldn’t believe! You see firsthand how this insane journey emotionally scars your dog and you want to do that to another puppy? People are crazy!

Meanwhile, millions of dogs are put to sleep every year here in the U.S. because there are still nut-ass people buying dogs instead of adopting. Go figure.


File under WTF: HuffPo has a piece about “passionate” farmers dedicated to preserving bison SO WE CAN EAT THEM. Here’s the amazing video from one such farmer where he first tells us how he fell in love with this amazing animal and then how great the meat is.

They are calling bison “the meat of the future.” Um, no it’s not, dummies! It’s the meat of Dances With Wolves; in-vitro meat is the true meat of the future! How much more future can you get than science-meat?! This whole article is ridiculous, actually: “I, personally, was touched by Ed’s story and his connection to the animals (something I think you’ll feel while watching the video). Being a former president of the National Bison Foundation, he’s eager to teach you all he can about the bison’s rich, yet devastating history and why it’s important to support small farmers like him to help grow the industry.”

I too was personally touched* by this video, touched by the WTF INSANITY! This is the end of the bison’s “devastating history”? To be served up as an “exotic” entree to “adventurous” foodies? Yeah, not only is grinding an animal into burger a totally dignified end, it’s also a great way to show you love them. Lesson learned! Come here, Figgy! I love you and I’m hungry!

*haaa not like that!

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