Vegan MoFo: Noochy Popcorn!  »

For my Vegan MoFo post this week, I made Sarah’s popcorn recipe, and took it to the extreme! Actually, no, I didn’t, I just added tons of salt and nutritional yeast and made that shit healthy and delicious. Ain’t nothing tastier than popcorn drowned in Earth Balance, salt, and nooch. Except for lots of things, but that’s not the purpose of this post!

Go make it! And put tons of nutritional yeast on it! Because if you don’t, your little vegan brain will soon start to shrivel and rot. Seriously, B12 is hella important!

Here’s a shitty picture I took on Jonas’ cutting mat. That thing in the upper right corner is a Compassion Over Killing chicken keychain. Don’t be jealous!


Hey, SF! Vegan Drinks is upon us!  »

My favorite thing in the world is picking popcorn out of my teeth. Why? Because it gives me something to do AND it means I just ate a shit-ton of popcorn, which is one of many reasons to go to August’s SF Vegan Drinks tomorrow, Aug. 25, from 6 to 8 p.m at Martuni’s.

Why else would you go? Besides all-you-can-eat vegan popcorn, you can get hammered meet other local vegans and network to your little heart’s content. This month’s special is something called the “VDSF,” a martini with this new SF edition of Absolut Vodka (no idea) and juice, for $5. VegNews will provide attendees with a list of nearby veg restaurants to help you soak up the booze later, and if you’re working on a veg project, you can yak into the microphone to anyone who will listen at 7:45 p.m. Plus if you’re like me—cough-UNEMPLOYED-cough—you don’t have an excuse NOT to go. I’m bummed they did away with the vegan hot dogs, but I hate everything there’s always next time.


Best popcorn recipe ever, you’re welcome  »

One of my favorite late-night snacks is salty popcorn damp with melted “butter;” don’t even talk to me about kettle corn, or we are not friends. Once I was no longer able to enjoy prepackaged microwave popcorn (even SmartPop has dairy, NOT SO SMART AFTER ALL), there was a void in my life. Oh, sure, I tried to fill it by air-popping bulk popcorn in the microwave; this technique never really worked right, instead causing melted plastic bowls, wasted brown paper sacks, burned kernels, kitchen fires, and so forth.

So I migrated my popcorn operation to a giant pot on the stove top. I’d dump in some oil or melt some Earth Balance at the bottom of the pan, toss the kernels in, and try not to burn my hands while shaking the pot vigorously. This inevitably resulted in burnt and unpopped kernels, not to mention a huge mess if the pot lid flew off.

Last night, I discovered something that savvy internet users have apparently known for some time: Making popcorn in the pressure cooker. It’s the BEST: no risk of the lid flying off while you’re shaking the pot, no burnt kernels, very few unpopped ones, salty and buttery popcorn, and just general awesomeness stuck between your teeth for days. There are many great reasons to own a pressure cooker, and I use mine all the time, but this is what truly made the acquisition worth it for me. Try it!

Pressure Cooker Popcorn

2 Tbsp. Earth Balance (or olive oil, if you’re healthy and shit)
1/4 cup popcorn kernels

You can make more, but be sensitive to your pressure cooker’s size, and use a 1:2 oil-to-popcorn ratio.

Put your pressure cooker on the stove, and heat it on high. Melt your Earth Balance if using. Meanwhile, remove or open the steam vent-thing or whatever keeps the pressure inside your cooker.

Throw three popcorn kernels in the pot and monitor them, but not too closely; you don’t want to lose an eye. When they pop, you’re ready to pour the rest of your kernels in. Shake the pot to distribute them evenly along the bottom. Fit the vented lid on top.

I know your arms are tired, but you’ve got to keep shaking the pot from side to side while keeping it on top of the burner. Trust, it will be worth it. Listen to the happy noise of popcorn popping. Remove the pressure cooker from the heat as soon as you count five seconds in between pops.

Pour your finished popcorn into a bowl, and marvel at its perfect beauty. Ruin it by dumping salt or nutritional yeast all over it. Shove into your facepiece by the handful. Be fat ‘n’ happy.


Review: the Parkway Speakeasy Theater!  »

For being delightfully in the heart of Oakland, the Parkway Speakeasy Theater place sure sees a lot of Skinny White Bitches.* In fact, I can count the number of black people I’ve seen here on one hand AND I ONLY HAVE TWO FINGERS. That’s a lie about the two fingers but wouldn’t that be cool? And by cool, I mean horrible. Other than the not-so-delightful gentrification (wait sorry, revitalization) of Oakland, I do enjoy sinking my fat white ass into one of the comfy (yet probably highly unsanitary) couches to enjoy a second generation first-run movie or art house feature. They also have special nights with horror films, kids’ films (you can bring your gross baby that night) and tons of other special events. But the coolest thing about the parkway is that you can GET ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES DURING THE MOVIE. OK, not all alcohol, it’s only beer and wine but there are decent selections in both categories. The second most awesome thing about The Parkway is that you can enjoy your movie while snacking on VEGAN PIZZA (they make their own vegan cheese, kinda like a fake ricotta but it works, and tons of vegan toppings!) They also make a few vegan sandwiches and salads and various other vegan-friendly snacks (and often vegan cookies!!)! It is a very satisfying experience. The vegan stuff is clearly marked on their menu and they’re open to suggestions so you can email them or leave a comment card when you’re there and they’ll try to accommodate. It was loud-mouthed vegans who got the vegan stuff onto the menu to begin with it so it pays to speak up and FIGHT THE POWER! Or NICELY MAKE A SUGGESTION!

Two more things: It’s only $5 admission price and it’s two-for-one on Wednesdays! Love that as I’m hella cheap. Also, they have a second location in El Cerrito if you want to enjoy a movie out in the sticks. El Cerrito is totally far away.

*Oh and calm the fuck down, Skinny White Bitches of the world. I don’t need any hate mail because I used such an offensive slur against your people. If being called a Skinny White Bitch is the worst thing that has ever happened to you well then, LIFE IS GOOD.

[marquee photo by disrupsean; beer and popcorn photo by queenkv]

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