Anthony Bourdain has even more to say about vegans!  »

Anthony Bourdain, America’s favorite (?) Privileged Old White Man, is at it again! He recently gave an interview in Playboy* and he talked about how he hates everything and everyone. FUCK THE MAN, MUG FOR THE CAMERA, EAT A BABY GIRAFFE, and SCENE. Of course, he especially hates vegans, because they make his life very difficult by existing. He says about veganism, ”I don’t have any understanding of it. Being a vegan is a first-world phenomenon, completely self-indulgent.”

Let’s deconstruct that:

I don’t have any understanding of it.
Then why are you commenting on it? Seriously, if after all of your resources, you still can’t understand a fairly simple concept, shut your pie-hole. 

Being a vegan is a first-world phenomenon, completely self-indulgent.
Like reality TVhideous leather jackets, and running water, veganism is a first-world phenomenon. What’s your point? And completely self-indulgent? LOL! Of all the people to call anyone anything, Bourdain calling vegans self-indulgent is THE BEST. This guy makes a living traveling around the world and eating everything. But yes, me over here, buying my toiletries at Walgreens, I’m the self-indulgent one. I’m incredibly lucky to have the ethical opportunity to choose veganism, but it’s still about 10,000 times less of a self-indulgent choice than anything that man does. Being vegan IS a choice that not everyone can afford to make, but MANY of us can. So we do. That’s it!

My favorite thing about Bourdain is that he still presents himself as if he’s some wild man outsider, when he couldn’t be further up the establishments asshole. YOU ARE A PRIVILEGED OLD WHITE MAN. YOU ARE THE 1 PERCENT, BOURDAIN! 

About vegetarians, he says:

They make for bad travelers and bad guests. The notion that before you even set out to go to Thailand, you say, ‘I’m not interested,’ or you’re unwilling to try things that people take so personally and are so proud of and so generous with, I don’t understand that, and I think it’s rude. You’re at Grandma’s house, you eat what Grandma serves you.

Sorry, vegetarians! It’s all true! Bourdain’s got your number! JK, I’ve got your back.

I don’t know where he got Thailand from but Thai food is very veg-friendly. In fact, VegNews just took a food-lovers tour of the country! I was just invited to a food expo taking place in Bangkok, to write about all the amazing veg selections!

And as far as being at Grandma’s house, whose grandma are we talking about? Most grandmas I know are down for healthy food, and are in better shape than I’m in. Seriously, this antiquated idea of some geriatric in a dressing gown who breaks down in hysterics because their grandchild won’t eat their steaming bowl of innards is (mostly) ridiculous. Anyone who’s been vegan for some time and are in situations like that, learn to handle themselves with some grace. We sneak in Clif Bars, pretend to eat the family’s traditional innards stew, and are always thankful and gracious.

Understanding that the relationship between food and family can be one of the most difficult to navigate. It’s also true that lots of families are straight-up crazy, so there will be issues regardless—with food, or your brother bringing his boyfriend to dinner. You know? Shit will always be complicated, and to say that passing on the innards stew makes you rude is an ignorant oversimplification. YOU’RE IGNORANT, FOOL!

Also, this isn’t related to veganism but PUKE:

Learn how to cook a fucking omelet. I mean, what nicer thing can you do for somebody than make them breakfast? You look good doing it, and it’s a nice thing to do for somebody you just had sex with.

Ugh, just everything about that made my stomach turn! I mean, ugh just imagine that creepy old privileged white sack of shit saying that. It’s like, shivers down my spine! Honestly, if I ever have kids and I want to scare them into acting straight, I’ll use the image of Anthony Bourdain cooking an omelet wearing nothing but a loin cloth made of cow bones [Ed.: or this!]. I will probably be arrested for child abuse, and I should be, because that shit isn’t right. 

*The only way it could be grosser is if it were in Maxim. 

[photos via the Travel Channel]

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