vegansaurus!

Product Review: Primal Strips!

Like so many vegan versions of non-vegan foods which I haven’t eaten in X amount of years, it becomes hard to say anymore what tastes “authentic” and what is only hitting just the right notes of nostalgia in order to pass muster. The authenticity of vegan products is, like that of ethnic cuisine and Star Wars prequels, continually up for debate.
 
Jerky is a simple food. The checklist any jerky product needs to fulfill is as follows: Tough/chewy? Check. Salty/savory/umami flavor? Check. That’s about it. Accomplish those things and you have a jerky. In my estimation, even the pickiest meat eaters should find their jerky hard-on effectively satisfied by the soy-and-seitan cousins.

Vegan jerky products seem to exist along a spectrum: on one side we have the tough leathery nuggets of Stonewall’s Jerquee; then we have Tofurky Jurky: hard pepperoni-like wheels but with some juice to them; and then there are Primal Strips, which are, for the most part, far more juicy and tender than one would expect from a jerky. This is not to say that Primal Strips aren’t as delicious as can be. Quite the opposite in fact. But if you are prone to quibbling about whether something does or does not taste like the “real thing,” then this may be a point of contention for you. Additionally, Primal Strips are packaged as a “stick” rather than as nuggets, which adds to the bonafide-ity of the experience for me.

The only “real” jerky I can remember eating was circa 10 years old on a summer camping trip during which I hit up every gas station along the way for three-foot-long sticks of what I can now presume was horse testicle. I loved it at the time but for some reason never ate it again as far as I know.

Recently I’ve had to admit that I may have been somewhat stranger of a child than I always thought—I can’t be entirely certain anymore exactly what is a real memory and what I imagined and then subsequently recalled as fact. (For instance, I have fond memories of playing a video game which may not have in fact existed.) But what I remember of the stick of “real” gas station jerky is this: it was sort of tough and leathery on the outside, and juicy-stringy on the inside. In other words, sort of right in the middle of the jerky spectrum, straddling the line as it were.

I typically like it all, wherever it falls on the previously mentioned jerky spectrum. I am generally only somewhat choosy when it comes to snacktime and if the choice is between a sore jaw or jerky juice dribbling down my chin (SEX SELLS! LAURA ADDED THIS!), I will probably accept both as done deals, one right after the other, subject only to availability.

Primal Strips are available in six different flavors, three of which are seitan-based, two are soy-based, and one is shiitake-mushroom-based. Surprisingly, the shiitake variety (“Hot and Spicy”) comes the closest to what I remember the horse-genitalia-based (“real”) kind of jerky. Be warned, however, the spiciness implied on the label is entirely appropriate. The soy- or seitan-based flavors veer further towards the juicy/tender side of the spectrum. I also enjoyed the “Mesquite Lime” flavor. I cannot vouch for the authenticity of the mesquite flavor (tastes like wood?) but the lime flavor is exactly right: citrusy and tart.

Final Word: Primal Strips are and have been my preferred jerky product of choice for some time now. It comes out ahead in both the value for money and the flavor.

Full disclosure: This review was based upon a free sample provided by Primal Spirit Foods. You can get Primal Strips for yourself at, like, practically any decent grocery.

Product Review: Peanut Chews!

Peanut motherlovin’ chews. They are MY JAM. They’re a chocolate-and-peanut candy from a Philly company and they are delicious. Falling under the accidentally vegan category, they are enjoyed by vegans and non-vegans alike. I grew up on these! They were my big brother’s favorite candy, and as he’s the first-born male and no cares what girls think (what about MY needs, dad!), we’d all get peanut chews. I haven’t seen them ANYWHERE in San Francisco! WTF? You people need to import these mofos! Better yet, I should import them and make a million dollars selling them to you non-peanut-chew-having Bay Area folk! Every day I’m hustling.

PS, you can also order them online. Laura believes that you might be able to get them at Phat Philly but it’s unconfirmed because we’re the laziest.

Book Review: The Better World Shopping Guide

The other day, Laura and I were shopping for tomato sauce or something. We ended up spending a ridiculous amount of time researching various organic brands on our phones to see who owned them, and weighing the consequences of our purchase. Rainbow Grocery, where we were (and where there is terrible phone reception—is the building lined with lead?) used to have some kind of chart displayed that showed this information, but it seems not anymore.

What we needed was this! The Better World Shopping Guide is a super-convenient, pocket-sized handbook, which ranks brands with grades from A to F, according to their performance in terms of human rights, environmental sustainability, and animal protection. The content is organized into categories, covering everything from airlines to wine. A lot of vegan brands are included, as well. Under meat alternatives, for instance, we discover that Tofurkey wins a B+, while Gardenburger gets only a C, and Boca scores a dismal F (they’re owned by Kraft). I was heartened to learn that all my favorite beers earned a B+ or higher, while Guinness and Red Stripe, two beers I know offhand aren’t vegan, were both down near the bottom with a D (ha!). I’m sure a lot of this is information that many people already know, but it’s nice to have that assurance in your pocket.

Where the book falls short is that it’s merely a quick reference guide. There is no real info as to why each company earned the ranking they did. That data is starting to become available on the website’s research page. In the meantime you have the assurance that “data is collected over the past 20 years from a wide range of nonprofit sources on the social and environmental responsibility of more than 1,000 companies.”

In addition to the book, all of the content is readily available on the website. There is also an iPhone app available! It’s $1.99, and makes getting the info that much more convenient and very swanky.

I give this book an A+*!

* [Ed.: ADORABLE].

Product Review: Joseph Banks Cassava Chips!

Joseph Banks Cassava Chips are the best chips I’ve ever had in my life. This week. They’re now available at all Northern California Whole Foods and in a few other places around the United States. Get the Roasted Tomato flavor even if you don’t like roasted or tomato things. It is eating savory smoky deliciousness perfection in a chip. Plus, cassava chips are (way?) better for you than potato chips so go ahead and eat the whole bag. You know you want to, fatty.

If you’re even more bored than usual with the internet, you can read the story of Joseph Banks on the site. However, if there is ANYTHING else you can do, do that instead. I’m talking cleaning your dog’s teeth or staring at the wall. Try masturbating! What do you have to lose! Besides your vision!

Product review: Vaute Couture Coats!

Um, I can’t really review these because I haven’t tried them on but Vaute Couture has some hella super cute vegan winter coats. As any vegan lady knows, those are as hard to come by a baby robin at a Cute Baby Animals Convention. Just not happening. Plus, Vaute Couture is the baby of Leanne Mai-ly Hilgart, a rocking vegan lady who is doing it to it and she definitely deserves our support. Oh and the proceeds from the Vaute coat go to Farm Sanctuary! Pretty. Awesome. <— see how I did that?

The coats are available for special pre-order right now (which means that you can get them for as much as HALF OFF THE RETAIL PRICE)! They’ll arrive in October, just in time for you to not wear that ugly North Face windbreaker all winter! Woohoo! Note to all (read: Jonas): I <3 the gray pea coat with the vintage buttons.

Vegansaurus SHOWDOWN: Marshmallows!

Vegan Marshmallows have garnered some controversy in the past. First there were those vegan marshmallows that weren’t actually vegan and then there were the ones that were hella tasty but aquired by Whole Foods who DISCONTINUED THE VEGAN MARSHMALLOWS AND REPLACED THEM WITH BOILED PIG SKIN MARSHMALLOWS THE NERVE.

But now we have two accessible replacements on the market. PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE S’MORES! To determine which marshmallows were worthy of your dime (er, many, many dimes, this ain’t coming cheap!), Vegansaurus recently conducted a taste test with both Sweet and Sara and Dandies. The things we do for you people.

AND SO WE PRESENT:

DANDIES VS. SWEET AND SARA
IN THE ULTIMATE VEGAN MARSHMALLOW SHOWDOWN!!!

Okay, enough of that. So we decided to do two very scientific side-by-side taste-tests of the marshmallows, in 1) their solid(ish) state; and then 2) microwaved for a couple seconds, stopping the microwave ATTHEEXACTRIGHTMOMENT before they are set to explode, and sampled when all warm and gooey. Science is Delicious.

OUR CONCLUSIONS
Dandies were fluffier but had this weird grainy thing going on. It felt like you were biting into sweet, fluffy sugar…a little cotton candy-ish. Maybe cotton candy mixed with sand. But denser. Does that make sense? They were good but were not the same as the jet-puffed campfire marshmallows I thought they would be. Sweet and Sara were denser, but the texture was smooth and perfect. These are like sweet, delicious marshmallow cakes. I love them.

Both ballooned up when microwaved. That’s when Sweet and Sara turned into a real marshmallow, the kind that when melted in hot chocolate would fool anyone. Dandies were tasty but maintained the weird graininess. I’m sure they would both make excellent Rice Krispie treats because they both melt well, and the graininess of the Dandies would surely be less evident when mixed with Krispies deliciousness, but for my money, the Sweet and Sara marshmallows remain the better foodstuff. They are a LEETLE more expensive, but worth it. Besides, you don’t need to be eating marshmallows for breakfast, lunch and dinner unless you’re this guy (weirdo cannibalism involved).

In the SF Bay Area, you can get Sweet and Sara at all Whole Foods, Real Foods on Polk, and Rainbow, or you can buy them on their site. According to the Dandie’s website, they’re currently only available online at Vegan Essentials.

Finally, The cast of Lost is way into Sweet and Sara vegan marshmallows, check out Hurley’s post here. Don’t read the comments, they will make you want to murder the world.

Product review: Daiya Cheese!

Daiya Cheese has taken the vegan world by storm. I mean, I think. I haven’t been able to find much out about it on the internets but I know this shit looks amazing and whoever can invent a truly amazing melty, stretchy vegan cheese will do more for veganism than anyone ever. Lofty statement, I know but HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES have you heard, “But I couldn’t live without cheese!” As if cheese were air! Or human touch! Or POTATOES! Well, it’s not. It’s just fucking cheese, it’s nasty, moldy milk from a cow’s teet, you foul freak. Anyway, with Daiya, we finally have something that can at least run with the big (cheese) dogs.

Daiya Cheese is based in Canada and until recently, was only being sold at a few restaurants in Vancouver. About a month ago*, Pangea started selling Daiya and we were ON IT.

Daiya Cheese is interesting because it’s not soy-based**, the main ingredient is CASSAVA. Crazy, right?? Other ingredients include arrowroot and pea protein. I don’t know what all that’s about but i do know that this stuff MELTS and this stuff STRETCHES and it’s GOOD. We made some grilled cheese sandwiches at Vegansaurus HQ and we were all pretty excited. Meave says, “Tastes like grilled cheese from Carrows ca. 1989. Very good. Quite salty.” Joel says, “Stretchiness is great. The flavor isn’t as perfectly cheddary as Follow Your Heart, but the texture is spot-on. This, friends, is a grilled cheese sandwich!” From Jonas, “Best vegan cheddar I’ve had, better than Teese and Follow Your Heart, which are kind-of nasty. Tasty, cheesy and stretchy!”

*Just checked Pangea and it looks like it’s sold out. Arg! I hope it comes back soon! When it does come back, you have to order it with a freezy pack and get fast shipping. I recommend ordering a large amount and then freezing some of it so that you can make the most of the ridonkulous shipping costs.

**Actually, the site says all this:
Daiya has 33 percent less fat than typical cheese! It is cholesterol-free; trans-fat-free; dairy-free; free of all animal products—vegan/parve; free of artificial Ingredients; free of preservatives; free of common allergens, including soy, casein, lactose, whey, wheat, barley, corn, rice, gluten, nut.

I would think it was chemical death if I didn’t already know that it’s made with cassava and arrowroot…making this basically a whole, healthy food. At 88 calories for an ounce serving…not bad. NOT BAD AT ALL.

All photos courtesy of the awesome Joel! Actual sandwiches by Meave.