Why aren’t there [reliably] vegan Girl Scout Cookies? »
‘Tis the season when we send adorable little female children out onto the streets to hawk grease-bombs. Once upon a time I was a wee girl scout, bugging my mom’s coworkers in order to earn the fuzzy stuffed tiger you could get for selling enough cookies.
No more! Turns out the best antidote to falling prey to the vixens with their overpriced sweets is a commitment to an ethical diet. Because depending on where you live, it’s quite possible there’s not a single GS cookie flavor that’s vegan! Not one!
The situation is pretty complicated. Troops can get their cookies from one of two bakeries. One of the bakeries, Little Brownie Bakers, is easy to hate because they put milk in EVERYTHING. The other, ABC Bakers, actually has quite a few vegan cookies (Shout Outs!, Lemonades, Peanut Butter Patties, Thanks-A-Lot, even Thin Mints!). Depending on where you live, the girls may be peddling a decent vegan selection, or they may look at you like you’re insane if you ask for such a thing. (Here’s the nutrition info for cookies, FYI.)
I’m calling bullshit. Why should I have to work so hard to decipher this shit? Why are Little Brownie Bakers so much lamer than ABC?
Seems like there are two things to do:
- Bug the National Girl Scouts to make more cookie vegan. You can copy the letter I sent them if you want to be lazy (of course you do!), it’s at the bottom of the post.
- Talk to your local Girl Scouts about making sure they get their cookies from ABC. Find their contact info here.
In the meantime, guess those of us unlucky enough to live in Little Brownie Baker territory have to just make our own Thin Mints. Who’s mailing them to me?
The circus fucking blows. And how you can help! »
All animal abuse is awful but many of us probably have our one issue that bothers us more than others and for me, it’s circuses with “performing” animals. ESPECIALLY the elephants. I love elephants! They are amazing! They are so totally cool and sweet and I love them. Juxtapose that with how horrifically they are treated—it’s despicable! They get electric shocks, and don’t forget about the disgusting bull hook. I would bull hook the heck out of those “trainers,” I swear. As far as animal abuse videos go, this one just kills me. I won’t watch it ever again because I will cry and not leave my house for three days and then only emerge to be mean to people. It’s not of Ringling but trust me, there are plenty of Ringling videos too. I will give you permission not to watch this video because it is super-disturbing and I feel like vegans don’t have to watch that stuff since we are already vegans. Everyone who goes to the circus, however, should have to watch that video over and over.
Back to Coney Island: I already missed the big protest but we can still go out and meet with the protesters on any Wednesday through Sunday while the show is running. It’s running until fucking September. GOD! I’m about to cry! But I won’t because I’m a tough guy.
Anyway, everyone knows that Cirque du Soleil is way better than Ringling. Like, a million times better. And they don’t use any animals! Has anyone besides me seen the one that’s just in Vegas, O? It’s amaaaazing. My family and I went a few years ago and I was all like, “what’s this thing? I don’t know, I’m tired,” but then I went and it was SO AWESOME. Actually, it was so dope that I kind of can’t see any of the other ones because they are not as awesome.
Another thing I hate: how all the New Yorkers are so very enchanted by the whole elephants having to walk through Manhattan every year. OMG it’s just so totally amazing. I’m like, STFU JERKS! Why are people so selfish? Probably because it’s our world and animals are just here for entertainment and food because they can’t protect themselves from the cancer called humans. Right on!
[illustration by Megan Rascal]
[Ed.: Crappily, the circus will be coming to the SF Bay Area in August and September. If you’re interested in heading out and educating circus-goers of the crappiness behind the tents, please holler at the fine folks with Humanity Through Education.They make it really easy to show up, grab some leaflets and signs, and help the animals of the circus! And check out Ringling Abuses Animals for other stuff you can do too.]