Vegan Pumpkin Smores Cheezcake from Darbster in West Palm Beach, Fla. Road trip RIGHT NOW, let’s go play in the lovely warm Atlantic Ocean with its knee-high waves, and then eat tempeh reubens and toasted marshmallowy pumpkin cheesecakes. Life is a continual struggling to create a meaning in the emptiness; we should take our pleasures where we find them.
[photo by Flickr user Jason Anfinsen]
What is that, you ask? Well, it’s only Pumpkin Seed Mylk! Crazy, right!? And fucking awesome! Of course I found this while cruising recipe porn this morning on the glorious Choosing Raw. Gena is like, the most inspirational. She makes me want to be a better person without hating the person that I am. That is a rare quality in a person! And especially a blogger! Anyway, cruise all her awesome raw (and a few cooked! See, Gena is all about moderation!) recipes and tell me you don’t love her too. Plus, PUMPKIN SEED MYLK!! Let’s do this, autumn.
A Vegan Etsy Halloween! »
Hey people, Halloween is coming up! Ever heard of it? Well I want you all to be prepared AND I want you all to support some of the craftspeople on Etsy! So here are my picks for the perfect vegan Etsy Halloween.
Check out these super-cute cupcakes from vegan baker SweetFritsy! These would make anybody happy. Especially if you know some lil’ kids you are trying to get stoked on veganism, which is my new favorite thing to do.
For some more sweets, vegan mallocreme pumpkins from PandaWithCookieBakes. These are very festive, my pals. And you got to have candies for halloween, you’ve just got to.
For something to really get you in the spirit, try some vegan caramel corn, also by SweetFritsy (with whom I think I’m in love)! Hot damn I hate caramel corn, but it’s just so classically Halloween I’ll probably buy it anyway and force children to eat it.
Last in the sweets category, pumpkin whoopie pies by shortbreadnyc (who also does custom logo cupcakes; we need some pink t-rex ones, am I right? Hint: ALWAYS)! Picture these with some hot apple cider—so Americana!
To pull things out of your mouth for a brief moment, what are you going to be for Halloween? Maybe you could use some vegan makeup to help you out! Moiminerals has created a limited edition haunted house collection for all your ghoulish makeup needs. I like “bark at the moon” because that’s a funny name and I look lovely in sparkles (pro tip: I look lovely in everything).
Now this next item isn’t really a costume, but maybe you don’t have to be one of those people that wears your costume to work on Halloween because you freak me out. It’s a shirt for the bros in the crowd by JamesAnthony. I find this shirt motherloving scary for some reason. It’s freaking me out! It’s like you’re bleeding from the neck! Bleh!
For the ladies, yous guys could wear this scary dress by ompantyom to work and then later you put your costume on for the party I’m sure you’re invited to. They are calling this a “dress,” which it very well may be—if you’re a hoebag. Put on some damn pants!
For your costume-costume, I’m hoping you don’t wear a skanky costume and go with something super-scary instead! Scary costumes rule! But now you may be asking, “Megan Rascal, how can I get laid on Halloween when I have an eyeball falling out of my head and bloody skin peeling off my arms?” Do I have an answer for you! Well, I have an answer for those of you out there looking to bang someone with a penis. There are a few scents that are known to “increase penile blood-flow,” one of those scents being pumpkin pie,* and guess what: Etsy store LittleBatch makes a roll-on vegan pumpkin pie fragrance! Congratulations!
Now I know at this point you are like, “but Megan Rascal! What will my dog wear! No Halloween costume for my dog? EMBARRASSING!” Well pals, I found this adorbs big bad wolf costume from Down Under Dog Designs. The Fig doesn’t like wearing hats or hoods, but I find these hooded costumes are still cute when the hood is down, so this should be fairly comfortable. See, I love dogs in clothes as much as the next Megan Rascal, but you’ve got to make sure your dog is comfortable!
There you have it! Happy Halloween, yall!
*Read all about it here. It’s hilarious because the others are licorice, vanilla and lavender. So that is food, food, and soap like your mom used to use. Boys! It’s OK though, baby powder increases women’s arousal. Duh, women are baby factories!
Pumpkin Madness! »
Just because Halloween is past us, doesn’t mean it’s time to put the pumpkin away just yet. After all, it’s still decorative gourd season! Here are just a few of the seasonally available pumpkin-flavored goods you can be sure of enjoying until January at least.
For me, the season was inaugurated not with changing leaves, but when I first noticed the return of Starbucks’ beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte. Get that shit with soy milk, no whip—with or without a shot of espresso as your mood dictates—and you’re golden. I ask you, is there a better way to enjoy these coming cold(ish) months than with a steaming hot cup of corporate good cheer?
UPDATE: Scrooge came early this year! Against our better judgment, we believed the word of a Starbucks employee and didn’t examine the ingredients label for ourselves. The PSL is not vegan, even with soy milk—we are very bummed! Mea maxima culpa. SOLUTION: Make your own with this easily veganizable recipe.
Peet’s Coffee also has a pumpkin-flavored latte available, but it’s not as good as Starbucks’ version. Consider it the lesser of the two. Unlike Starbucks, however, these are definitely vegan.
Clif Bar features a “Spiced Pumpkin Pie” flavor as one of three seasonally available flavors. The others, just so you know, are “Spiced Gingerbread” and “Cranberry Orange Nut Bread.” I can’t vouch for cranberry yet (it’s new), but the others are delicious (for Clif bars). AND they will give you vitamins and energy to keep you going on the…trail…or whatever.
For those marginally more inclined towards making something themselves, Trader Joe’s brings us their Pumpkin Bread and Muffin Mix. This stuff is the shit. We’ve already shown you how to hack their bread mixes. The important takeaway is: substitute 1/2 cup of canned pumpkin for the eggs! After all, why would you want to dilute your bread with anything that’s not MORE pumpkin?
Now available at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s is Buffalo Bill’s pumpkin ale. This is a relatively decent beer which earns unaccountably low marks from sites such as Beer Advocate. They must know something I don’t! Side note: Buffalo Bill’s brewery is located just over in Hayward, and their menu actually has a vegan pizza listed. Granted, it’s just veggies and no cheese, and it’s the only vegan item they have, but still! They might be getting a visit from me soon!
Superior to Buffalo Bill’s by all accounts (including mine) is Dogfish Head’s Punkin Ale. This is for “real” beer drinkers only, and comes with a price tag to match. Available at Whole Foods and City Beer Store, this is what I’ll be pouring over my head in between Pumpkin Spice Silk rinses, all holiday season.
What’s your favorite vegan pumpkin food product? Seriously, I would love to know: I won’t be happy until I’m eating nothing but pumpkin in its various forms.
Joel’s Moderately Fancy Meal: Sourdough Pumpkin Quick Bread! (Sourdough Optional!) »
So you roasted a pumpkin according to Megan’s directions? Nicely done! But don’t stop now, spanky. You’re just a few simple steps away from a finished product that you can bring in to work to cultivate your persona as the person who knows how to make stuff. You can also use it to curry favor, make friends, or start intra-office rivalries! Granted, a borrowed pen can do all that but it doesn’t taste half so good. Wait, what am I talking about? Pumpkin bread! A dessert-y, cake-y breakfast bread that’s probably good for you! Why not, it’s got pumpkin!
For those of you who are scared by the sourdough, DON’T WORRY. You don’t have to use it. Any time you see a recipe call for sourdough starter that doesn’t depend on it for rise—like this recipe, which uses chemical leavening, i.e., baking powder—you can substitute equal parts flour and water. So easy! Seriously though you should start baking with sourdough, it’s delicious.
(Sourdough) Pumpkin Quick Bread (makes 1 loaf)
- 1/3 cup Earth Balance
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 egg’s worth egg replacer of your choice (I use Bob’s Red Mill for this recipe but follow your bliss, you crazy hippie!)
- 1 cup pumpkin
- 1 cup sourdough starter (OR one scant cup each water and flour, mixed thoroughly)
- 1 tsp vanilla spices (pumpkin pie mix, or cinnamon, allspice, clove, nutmeg, powdered ginger, and so on!)
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1/2 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
First off: roast that pumpkin. A very small one will give you exactly the right amount of flesh. Once it’s cooled, scoop out the flesh and either puree it, if you want a smooth bread, or mash it with a potato masher or fork, if you like chunks. I mashed mine but you do what you want, I’m not here to judge.
Start your oven preheating at 350°. Cream together the Earth Balance and sugar (try doing it by hand for an awesome forearm workout that totally will not make you angry). Add the “egg” and mix. Dump in the pumpkin and starter or flour slurry, along with the vanilla and whatever spices you feel are appropriate. Mix again. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, and stir until just integrated but not too much or it’ll end up chewy. Pro tip: if you feel like maybe you did stir too much, I don’t know maybe you were reading some steamy internet slash fiction with Harry and Snape and you got distracted, look I am not here to judge, let the batter sit for 15 minutes. Pour it into a lightly greased loaf pan, and bake for about 70 minutes, or until a toothpick, thin-bladed knife, or very small child’s finger comes out clean*. Let it cool for a while before you slice it, lest it crumble.
Chop up some candied ginger and toss it in! Use other fruits or vegetables—this could be your new favorite zucchini bread recipe just as easily! Toss in a handful of chocolate chips with the pumpkin! If you’re making a slurry rather than using starter, make it with soy milk (or pumpkin nog?????) rather than water! Of course the best variation is to use the damn starter, seriously people, sourdough is where it’s at! Hello?
Whatever! Enjoy it!
* Joke! Small children’s fingers are NEVER clean!
Product review: Pumpkin seed bread from Artisan Bakers! »
Alternately, I KNOW IT’S MID-DECEMBER BUT I AIN’T DONE WITH YOU YET, PUMPKIN!!!
Every once in awhile, a food products sings to your heart and takes your love by storm. For me, this happens daily. Yesterday, this storm turned into a level-5 hurricane in the form of this amazing pumpkin bread from Artisan Bakers that we got at Rainbow Grocery. It is usually sold out but we were lucky enough to grab the last loaf. Suckers. As an aside, there is huge satisfaction in getting the last of something that other people want. It’s like when I went to H&M for the Stella McCartney line and waited in the freezing cold for like four hours until they finally opened only to make a mad dash to buy anything, everything Stella and ended up with a SATIN HAMMER PANTS four sizes too small that cost me $150 and I’m still so stupid that I was pleased about this purchase for a FULL TWO DAYS until I realized what god hath wrought and came down with a deep depression for a week. This bread is like that. Except that you will feel no remorse because it’s CHEAP! and DELICIOUS! and if it has anything to do with the blues, it’s in the curing of them.
This isn’t a typical pumpkin bread in that it’s not a sweet loaf. It’s more like a traditional seed loaf but made round and with pumpkin. It’s rich and textured and covered in pumpkin seeds and is perfect toasted in the broiler and then slathered in Earth Balance. I’m guessing it would make a damn fine PB&J too. That’s PUMPKIN BUTTER and jam to you! Actually, it’s not, but I bet that would be good too. If a little sweet. Maybe pumpkin butter and peanut butter?? Who knows, go crazy, this bread can handle it.
Artisan Breads are sold all over the Bay Area. I would call the store closest to you to make sure they carry the pumpkin bread. It’s seasonal too so don’t be looking for this shit in May. Unless you’re in Australia. Wait, does that work? Anyway. Their site is fresh, and includes a pretty detailed description of their bread-making process and some recipes! They are obviously super-passionate about making tasty bread and have won all sorts of awards and shit.
An aside: I was looking for a cute pumpkin photo to put up on the blog and I came across this. This seems like it should be a punishable offense. I mean, you can’t urinate in public but you can do that? I don’t get it.
[photo via Time Out Chicago]
Recipe: Slow cooker pumpkin bread pudding! »
So my mom gave me a Crockpot like five years ago and it sat in storage because I’M NOT 40 AND LIVING IN DES MOINES. I had no need for a slow cooker when my life was on speed boil! There was no time to slow down in the fast lane that was MY LIFE! No man, woman, beast or slow cooker could stop the train wreck that was my life.
But that was then and this is now. I’m now 30 which is the new 40 and baby, I’m TIRED. All I want to do is sit around and watch reruns of Mama’s Family and eat bonbons. Oh and SLOW COOK! I love it! I’m ADDICTED! I got The Simple Little Vegan Slow Cooker Book and it’s changing my life. Before getting the slow cooker, my autobiography title frontrunners were One Foot in the Grave, the Laura B Story; It Is a Gift, That Is Why They Call It the Present: The Laura B Story; and Deadly Beauty, the Laura B Story. Now those have all been tossed aside in favor of Laura B: Always Be Slow Cooking. Seriously, I’ve made two meals a day since I’ve busted it out again. Do you know how hard that is to do in a SLOW cooker?? Anyway, I’ve perfected everything from appe-teasers to soups to salads to antipasti to main course to, now, DESSERT. I’ve come up with the perfect vegan Thanksgiving dessert for you ungrateful SOBs! So, read below and please remember me this Thanksgiving, Laura Beck. A girl who lives each day like it’s her rocking last. In the slow lane.
VEGAN PUMPKIN BREAD PUDDING, Crockpot-style!
3½ cups Silk Nog, Pumpkin Spice Silk or soy, almond, rice milk! Mix them up, go crazy!
¼ cup bourbon (ow!)
1 16oz. can of pumpkin
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. cinnamon
¼ tsp. nutmeg
¼ tsp. cloves (PLEASE NOTE: If you don’t have all these fancy spices, just buy a cheapy thing of pumpkin pie spice and sub it for all of them! Delicious!)
½ tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. Earth Balance
1 loaf bread (about 8 cups)
½ cup raisins (optional, of course. you might think raisins are nasty. you would be right in most cases but I like them in bread pudding!)
½ cup chocolate chips (optional if you don’t like delicious!)
So basically all you do is cut up the bread into cubes. You grease your Crockpot with the Earth Balance and then put 4 cups of bread at the bottom. Next, put the Silk Nog (or whatever) into a saucepan and bring to a soft boil and then immediately remove from the stove to cool a little. In a mixing bowl, mix the pumpkin, bourbon (ow! what! I’m 12!), sugar, vanilla, spices, and salt. Then take the slightly cooled Silk Nog (or whatever) and stir it into the boozy pumpkin mixture. Next, pour some of the mixture over the 4 cups of bread in the slow cooker. Push the bread down so that it’s covered. Next, put in the rest of the bread and pour the remaining mixture over the top. Make sure everything is covered and put the covered slow cooker on low for 2½ to 3 hours. If you want extra deliciousness you can stir in chocolate chips halfway through cooking! Basically, you know it’s done when it’s firm and bouncy like a good bread pudding. Serve with vegan whipped cream or soy cream. OR COOKIE DOUGH COCONUT ICE CREAM FROM TURTLE ISLAND (as pictured! It’s amazing! Also, please excuse my picture for looking like a pile of doggie crapola! Mea culpa!)
That’s all! Not hurry and get to slow cooking! And Happy Thanksgiving from our dysfunctional family to yours on this horrible, shameful holiday! There is nothing like two wars, an economic crisis and millions of turkeys being slaughtered to remind you to be proud of our great American heritage on this day of days! And don’t forget to stuff yourself silly and rape the earth a little because that’s what this holiday’s really about anyway, right?
Man, I am a psycho downer. I really do love Thanksgiving. But I have such huge gross white liberal guilt. I’m gonna go wrestle this out with myself in a corner right now. In vegan Jell-O. I have like 20 boxes. Don’t ask. Anyway, bye! Happy Thanksgiving!!!