vegansaurus!

Adopt a bunny at the East Bay SPCA on Saturday!  »

It’s another multiple-organization (woo woo) rabbit adoption event! Meet and greet bunnies from Harvest Home Animal Sanctuary, Hayward Animal Services, Tri-City Animal Shelter, and Bananas for Bunnies rabbit rescue. As always, you can also bring your fixed rabbit for help with matchmaking and free nail trims, get advice from rabbit experts, and purchase some bun-accessories. Plus, you can feed the rabbits fresh greens! If you haven’t watched a rabbit eat a big old carrot-top, you haven’t lived.

All the fun happens from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the East Bay SPCA Tri-Valley Adoption Center, at 4651 Gleason Dr. in Dublin. Contact them at (925) 479.9670 with any questions, and get ready to have fun with some adorable buns! Like Sidney, a male mini rex mix, who kindly agreed to lend his image to this post.

PS: You can preview the adoptable rabbits at each organization’s site: Harvest Home at PetFinder; Hayward Animal Services at Pet Harbor; Tri-City Animal Shelter at Pet Harbor; and Bananas for Bunnies.

Home for the Holidays: a Harvest Home Animal Sanctuary bunny adoption event!  »

Congratulations, you now have Saturday plans! After you eat ALL OF THE FOOD at Bomb Vegan Brunch, get over to Tri-Valley East Bay SPCA for their last adoption event of the year! There will be rabbits from Harvest Home, the House Rabbit Society, Hayward Animal Services, Tri-City Animal Shelter, and Bananas for Bunnies. Our pal Anne Martin says that “rabbit experts will be on-hand” to answer your rabbit questions, give your bunnies free nail trims, help your bun find a friend (spayed/neutered bunnies only!) with rabbit speed-dating, or help you “meet and adopt the rabbit of your dreams.”

The Tri-Valley East Bay SPCA is located at 4651 Gleason Dr. in Dublin, Calif., and Home for the Holidays will run from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Anne says that as a bonus, the first five visitors will receive a free package of Go Max Go’s Cleo’s peanut butter cups. Vegan chocolate and bunnies, what could be better? Contact Harvest Home with any (non-rhetorical) questions.

These two bunnies are called Rosie and Pringles, and they are a pair of darlings who love dandelion greens and carrots, and are looking for their forever home. Adopt them on Saturday! Give yourself an early winter-holiday gift, and give one to some darling needy rabbits, too. Have a heart, home a bunny! See you on Saturday!

Hello, friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

Mark is the cranky one.

You guys, I had a really good week in Modesto. I was really concerned about what I would do so I brought along every craft, portable video game system and textbook that I needed to write a lecture from. Then I spent my time eating Field Roast and napping. And abusing NSAIDs. I even got through about 10 hours of Final Fantasy VII before I realized that the entire game was approximately six hundred hours long and decided that I just could not make the commitment. When I told Allen this he said ” that game cost seven dollars. You’d better finish it!” Then he went back to watching 27 Dresses on non-cable television.

Allen loves to watch movies on TV, even though the movies he watches are movies he owns on DVD. In fact, they are movies I bought him on DVD. During the past week he has watched Up twice and been excited and surprised every time it came on. This is a movie that Allen owns the special-edition of and is still in its packaging. When I mention Allen’s behavior to him, he just says that watching movies on TV is fun, and that I need to either lighten up or finish the game I paid $7 for. Because nothing makes more sense than a person who will chastise me for not finishing a video game but will happily watch movies that he has paid for and that are five feet away from him on network television with frequent commercial interruptions. The result of this logic makes my head explode and Allen has to face the consequences of putting it back together and screwing it back on to my shoulders.

Consequences, by the way, are really important. While trolling around the Internet during a pre-nap relaxation hour I found out that one of the consequences of messing with a cat is getting the shit beaten out of you. I really hope that the little monster in this video has to watch this on a daily basis, because it will teach him two important things. First of all, don’t hit living things even if you perceive that they are weaker than you; second, those living things might fight back. No matter what logic you use, it is impossible to blame the cat for giving the kid what he deserved. One time, I reached into Bunny’s cage when she was sleeping and she bit me so hard I almost blacked out. You know what I learned from that? Not to disturb her when she is sleeping. What I hope this kid learns is that you don’t try to squash a cat with your fist. What I hope this kid’s parents learn is not to videotape their kid crying, and perhaps invite him to a visit with a practicing therapist. If you’re jonesing for a video where the cat is the aggressor, scroll down the same page and watch an adorable middle-aged baby get sucker-punched like a boss.

Besides douchebag babies, animals also seem to hate phones. Check them freaking the fuck out when commercials for the iPhone come on (animals are very cost-conscious) and kicking over the phone when it rings and disturbs their beauty rest. That is totally something I would do if I were a pet, too. Just knock shit over to let my people know that I do not have Stockholm syndrome. Ms. Cleo’s been doing that a lot. That and not letting me change her litterbox. I swear, every time I go to empty it she freaks out like I am stealing precious diamonds from her. Allen won’t even go near that because he is so frightened she will take a finger off. She has not been responding so well to Spanish.

That’s it for this week. Please send me links for next week and have a bite-free Wednesday!

House Rabbit Society’s holiday art show and auction is happening now! Bid on buns, for buns!  »

Bunny’s Dream Gift Basket, donated by The Busy Bunny. Click to bid!

The House Rabbit Society and the East Bay Rabbit Rescue have joined forces to host this online auction of rabbit gifts and art! All proceeds go to an emergency medical fund for these two worthy organizations. They’ve got studio sessions with photographer Mark Rogers (get a fancy photo of you and your pet! Bunny or not!), watercolors and mosaics and other rabbitty artwork, and giftcards to Pet Express—all kinds of good stuff to get and receive.

Astrid, by John Beahm. Click to bid!

All the action is happening on Facebook, but you can also bid by calling the Rabbit Center at (510) 970.7575 between noon and 5 p.m., Tuesday through Friday. The auction ends at 1 p.m. on Tuesday, Dec. 6, so get to bidding for the buns!

Hello, friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

Yesterday I was informed that I have high blood pressure. The doctor was so concerned about my blood pressure, in fact, that she would not let me leave her office without signing up for tests, agreeing to check my pressure daily for a week, and swallowing some kind of medicine. I was not pleased yesterday and I am not pleased today. The doctor’s advice was to work less and enjoy life more. My thought about that: yes, but who is going to show up for work for me? And who will do all of my paperwork?

I do not think it is a coincidence that this happened the week after Allen and I welcome my former friend and roommate Ms. Cleo into our home. You see, Ms. Cleo (who is a giant black female rabbit) and I do not like each other very much. We spent two years together, and while we were fairly happy—I would supply her with food and toys, she would supply me with bites and scratches—we parted ways after I moved in with Allen. This happened for two reasons: first, I am never at home. At the time of the move I was shoulder-deep in grad school and was out of the house so much that I was not able to give Ms. Cleo the proper attention she deserved. Second, Allen was scared of her. I asked him to hold her once when we first started dating and I was attractively cleaning her cage before we went to dinner. She scratched Allen so hard that he dropped her (on the bed. She was on his lap. It was like less than an inch). The she turned and stared at him until he got up and walked out of the room. Then she peed all over my comforter to teach me a lesson. Allen was not happy about staying over that night.

Anyway, I moved and Ms. Cleo moved in with the roommate I was leaving, with the understanding that I would invite her back if circumstances deemed it necessary. And I hoped circumstances never would. Then my roommate had to move, and now we are living with Ms. Cleo indefinitely. I am probably allergic to her. Allen, on the other hand, could not be happier.

That’s right; Allen is in love with his former enemy. I know this because he gives her his organic vegetables every day (and knows which ones she likes), because he texts to remind me to play with her, because he willingly took me to a pet store and made me buy the most expensive stuff and because he talks to her. In Spanish. Regularly.

“Allen,” I said to him when I first walked in on him calling her Bonita and saying that she was très bien, “I do not think she understands that. She comes from an English-speaking household.”
“She gets it,” he said. “She speaks Spanish fluently.”
“How do you know?” I asked, wondering if Allen was some kind of modern-day Dr. Doolittle.
“Because I gave her a banana and said ‘eat the banana’ in Spanish.”
“Yes, and?”
“And she ate it!”
“Maybe she just likes bananas,” I said.
“Maybe you should go see your doctor for an attitude adjustment,” Allen said, and went back to forcing pieces of bok choy through the bars of Ms. Cleo’s cage.

Perhaps I do. I do a lot of doom and gloom here on WTF Wednesday because doom and gloom brings me a lot of joy, but Allen has inspired me to do a “what’s good” week. Thank god the internet is happy to oblige.

First, there’s a dog who pisses while doing a motherfucking handstand. What is that? How awesome is it? Do you have any words, because I sure don’t. This dog just gets up on his front legs and says, “Watch this. This entire world is mine!” I think he is actually hitting a big area. I wish I could do this, but I can barely use the bathroom and can certainly not perform a handstand. Maybe I will have one of my yoga friends teach me. Then I can blame it on the rabbit and Allen will love her less and me more!

Here’s another thing that I like but I’m wondering if it is OK to. It’s a pack of puppies cuddling a kitten. Well, they are basically attacking the kitten, and then cuddling her. And she’s more like a full-grown cat. But they’re wagging their tails! And the cat ends up OK! And it is just so goddamn cute! Look at their little tails wag. What do you guys think? Is it all right for me to find this adorable? If it’s not, please take a look at this cat, who is more fashionable than either you or me.

Ok, fine, here is something unobjectionable: hedgehogs bathing! They are swimming! This is almost as cute as when I would bathe my guinea pig. She didn’t love it at first, but then she would get in the warm water and chill and squeak, just like these hedgehogs. I wish I could play this on loop. I wish I could give these hedgehogs a hug. I wish Allen loved me more than the rabbit. Wait…

That’s it for this week. Please send me links for next week and have an adorable Wednesday!

[photo of Luna from Facebook via Buzz Feed]