Recipe! Mostly raw, totally vegan, ranch dressing!   »

When I’ve turned to vegan ranch dressings in the past, I’ve always been disappointed. So I’ve taken it upon myself to make one that reminds me of Hidden Valley. What can I say? That is what my palate wants.

Let’s do this.

1 1/2 cup soaked cashews
3/4 to 1 cup water
2 cloves of garlic
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white rice vinegar
1 tsp pepper
1/2 Tbsp. salt
1/2 tsp. agave nectar
The juice of half a lemon

Blend all ingredients until you get the smoothest product you can! I use a Vita-Mix. I’m sure you can use a blender or food processor to pulverize these ingredients, but you may need a nut milk bag handy to strain any chunks. 

Taste. Make sure it’s a flavor profile you expect from ranch. Add more salt, pepper or vinegar to you liking. Remember, this is your base, and you are the star of this recipe.

After blending, add 1 tsp. Italian herbs and 1 tsp. dill, and mix by hand.

This is recipe that tastes best when it sits (in the fridge) for a couple hours, even better overnight. Perhaps you like your dressing a little more dill-ish? Add more! You are the chef! More salt and pepper? DO IT!

Serve and watch your party guests go crazy. I love to serve my ranch with a faux meat product (homemade seitan) because my friends are always like, “Hey, I think I could go vegan if everything tasted like this!” More potlucks, more dinner parties, because THIS IS WHAT VEGAN TASTES LIKE! 


Recipe: Pink power ranch dressing! I love pink!  »

You can make this with a different-colored onion, and it’ll be totally normal ranch dressing. But pink is my favorite color, and I had too many red onions, so here it is.

Pink Power Ranch Dressing
makes around 3 cups

1/2 cup vegan mayonnaise
6 oz. firm silken tofu (vacuum-packed rules!)
1/2 small red onion, peeled and roughly chopped
1/4 cup nondairy milk
juice of 1 lemon (or about 2 Tbsp. for you bottle-users)
2 tsp. mustard (I used whole-grain dijon, but I don’t give a damn if you use French’s; it’ll still probably be awesome)
1 clove garlic, peeled
1 tsp. vegan Worcestershire sauce (here is a good recipe if you can’t find it or don’t want to buy it)
1/2 tsp. celery seed
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1 Tbsp. dried dill (or 3 Tbsp. fresh, if you’re fancy, which I’m not)

Throw everything but the dill in your food processor or blender. Process/blend forever and ever, or about a minute, until your stuff looks totally combined and there are no big chunks of onion left (nast).

Add the dill, and blend again for maybe 10 seconds this time, so you can still see little green flecks.

Transfer to a covered container of some sort, and store in the fridge for a couple-few hours before serving. This allows the flavors to blend, amateur.

Then dump it all over an otherwise healthy salad, celery sticks, buffalo “wings,” pizza crusts, and pound cake. I mean, what?!

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