vegansaurus!

10/18/2012

Massive peanut recall! Check your foods!  »


Right now might be the only time ever that folks with peanut allergies are looking at the rest of us thinking, “Haha, suckers!” If you haven’t heard, there’s a massive peanut recall afoot, and it affects a lot of fancy vegan peanut products.

A whole bunch of products made in by Sunland, Inc between March 2010 and Sept. 24, 2012, might be infected with salmonella! So far 35 people in 19 states have gotten sick, and the FDA and CDC are all over it. TWO YEARS worth of products? WTF, Sunland?!

The full list of recalled products is on the FDA’s website, but here are some that vegans are likely to have bought! If you’ve got these in your cupboard, either just chuck them or go to the FDA site for more details if that seems wasteful! The good news is unless you’re a tiny child (nice work reading the blog!) or real old or have a compromised immune system, salmonella isn’t too serious.

  • Trader Joe’s, Arrowhead Mills, Cadia, Kirkland, Natural Value, Naturally More, Sprout’s, & Sun Harvest peanut butter
  • Sprout’s tahini & almond butter
  • Justin’s Nut Butters—anything with peanuts!
  • Luna & Larry’s Coconut Bliss Chocolate Peanut Butter flavor
  • Peanut Butter Newman-O’s (yes, they’re vegan)
  • Earth Balance Natural Almond Butter and Flaxseed
  • Anything with the Sunland name on it
  • AND SO MUCH MORE!!

[Photo by Yogma via Flickr]

10/12/2012

Americans eating feces-filled fish! Yum yum!  »

Love to eat dead water animals? Well, enjoy some pig and geese shit with your tasty tilapia carcass! YUM YUM. 

Yep, Americans are consuming insane amounts of dead fish that were raised on feces in China (where, according to Bloomberg, 27 percent of the seafood Americans eat comes from). Check it out:

At Chen Qiang’s tilapia farm in Yangjiang city in China’s Guangdong province, which borders Hong Kong, Chen feeds fish partly with feces from hundreds of pigs and geese. That practice is dangerous for American consumers, says Michael Doyle, director of the University of Georgia’s Center for Food Safety. ‘The manure the Chinese use to feed fish is frequently contaminated with microbes like salmonella,’ says Doyle, who has studied foodborne diseases in China.

and:

On a sweltering, overcast day in August, the smell of excrement is overpowering. After seeing dead fish on the surface, Chen, 45, wades barefoot into his murky pond to open a pipe that adds fresh water from a nearby canal. Exporters buy his fish to sell to U.S. companies.

So, not only are your dead fish being fed shit, they’re actually being raised in it, too. Well, the ones who even survive the ordeal and make it into your shitty dinner. Pro tip for home cooks: just douse with extra fresh lemon juice to cover up that shit stank! Oh, and maybe get a tetanus shot? And also, a barf bag?

And it’s not just fish! Shrimp, one of the absolute worst things you can eat if you give a shit about the environment or AMAZING SEA TURTLES (Indonesian shrimp trawlers kill 26 pounds of sea creatures for every 1 pound of shrimp they collect! ONE POUND. Please read Eating Animals for more fun facts like this!) is feeling the funk, too. It all starts at Ngoc Sinh Seafoods Trading & Processing Export Enterprise in Vietnam (8 percent of the shrimp Americans eat comes from Vietnam), where dead shrimps are stored in water that’s deemed “not safe for drinking” and “workers stand on a dirty floor sorting shrimp one hot September day. There’s trash on the floor, and flies crawl over baskets of processed shrimp stacked in an unchilled room in Ca Mau.”

Seriously, someone get me to Long John Silver’s for a basket of deep-fried salmonella STAT! USA! USA!

[H/t to genius news juggernaut Eve Batey for the awesome/awful link!]

08/19/2011

Your government hates you: meat recalls forever  »

What is going on with meat inspection? In the past month, there’ve been seven recalls due to listeria contamination, three because of E. coli, and three for salmonella, nearly 36,723,700 pounds of food, almost of it meat. The number’s sort of enormous thanks to Cargill’s recall of 36 million pounds of “ground turkey products” on Aug. 3 because of salmonella contamination. Disgusting.

How does this contamination even happen? The Centers for Disease Control have a section on food-borne illnesses that’s pretty helpful, though their explanation for how foods become contaminated isn’t super-illuminating:

Many foodborne microbes are present in healthy animals (usually in their intestines) raised for food. Meat and poultry carcasses can become contaminated during slaughter by contact with small amounts of intestinal contents. Similarly, fresh fruits and vegetables can be contaminated if they are washed or irrigated with water that is contaminated with animal manure or human sewage.

Right, we know that, CDC. It’d be nice to know how the shit-water gets to the produce, or how the carcasses come into “contact with small amounts” of unexpressed poop. Over a century since The Jungle exposed the horrible conditions of the meatpacking industry and people are still getting shit teeming with bacteria in our food. You think after another 100 years the agriculture industry will stop making us sick?

07/05/2011

Backyard chickens are making children sick. Seriously, kids are being hospitalized. Yay, urban homesteading! Yay, Salmonella!   »

The next time of your locavIDIOT friends is all, “OMG I totally want backyard chickens and in related news I am a total idiot!” you can be all, “READ THIS FIRST, IDIOT friend.” 

Salmonella isn’t just for factory farms anymore, folks! Thas right:

Infected chicks and ducklings have sickened 71 people—more than half of them younger than 5—in a growing multistate outbreak of salmonella that now involves two different strains of the bacteria.

Eighteen people were hospitalized with “SEVERE DIARRHEA.” In related news, that’s totally the name of my punk band. Also: EW GROSS. 

Will backyard chickens make you and your children sick with the shits? And maybe worse? We’ll let this chicken answer for us:

11/24/2010

Pre-Thanksgiving food recalls for best tableside conversation  »

Which government administrations love you, baby? Yeah, the FDA and the USDA, that’s right. Hence they’ve released these four recall notices just before Thanksgiving to keep you from spending the long weekend in bed, or heaven forbid the hospital. Hooray!

First, Krunchers! Inc. recalled all bags of Jay’s brand original potato chips produced on a certain date because whoops, 180 of them contain a “milk allergen.” What that milk allergen is exactly that snuck into the potato chips, the FDA and Krunchers! aren’t saying, but it’s some kind of milk product, so read about the details of the 180 affected bags of chips and act accordingly.

Second, following Bravo Farms’ recall of its Dutch-style Gouda last week, the company is now recalling ALL OF ITS CHEESES. The Centers for Disease Control fully found E.Coli O157:H7 in their Gouda, which led to testing of the entire Bravo Farms plant, where the CDFA found more E.Coli O157:H7  and Listeria monocytogenes. Cheese is so awesome!! Should anyone we know and/or love eat this brand of cheese, let them know they can either return it to the place of purchase, or just throw it away.
Update: These cheeses are also sold at Whole Foods, and apparently Bravo Farms cheese is usually of such high quality they all have a “distributed by Whole Foods” sticker on their packaging as well. Wherever there are animal products, there’s a risk of bacterial infection. Barf.

Speaking of bacteria, Calabro Cheese recalled 57 pounds of “Calabro All Natural Rotolini Mozzarella & Prosciutto,” lot number 3190, as they may be contaminated with, what? Lysteria monocygenes! Oh man, Lysteria is all over the place this week! This “possible contamination” was discovered by the USDA’s Food Safety and Inspection Service, rather than the FDA, because it contained a meat product—any food item involving meat, poultry, or processed egg products is regulated by the USDA through the FSIS. This’ll be the site to let you know about any risk of illness through dead turkey this week, too. Of course you don’t care, but maybe you want to keep your weirdo relatives from getting sick and having to stay at your house for an extra week.

Worst of all, Artisan Confections Company has had to recall 33 cases of Dagoba Organic Chocolate New Moon Rich Dark Chocolate 74 percent cacao 0.32 oz squares because of a Salmonella contamination risk. MAN is it frustrating when vegan products like this line of Dagoba chocolates come into contact with Salmonella, which is a bacteria of exclusively animal-origin. Where did it come from? That’s a question for the third-party manufacturer, I suppose; regardless, anyone with the New Moon squares is asked to call Artisan Confections Consumer Relations at 866/ 608.6944 between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. EST.

And now you have your Thanksgiving conversational topics! Maybe, in case the conversation starts to drag even with all this exciting news, you might want to look up the effects of E. coli, Salmonella, and/or Listeria illnesses on the body, to really get things going again. People love to hear exactly how their food is going to kill them while they’re eating it! That’s what holidays are for.

11/16/2010

Wherever you are, your government hates you  »

Not a joke. In England, after slashing health and welfare benefits, the new government is writing policy on “obesity, alcohol, and diet-related disease”; namely, “an overhaul of public health.” To advise them, the government has asked experts in different areas of obesity, alcohol, and diet-related disease, including: Cancer Research U.K.; the Faculty of Public Health; the CEO (Jeremy Beadles) of the Wine and Spirit Trade Association; Diageo; Unilever; Mars; Kellogg’s; PepsiCo; KFC; and McDonald’s. British public health policy: it’s just like ours! Which is to say, the mighty businesses get to strike all the legislation they don’t like, work in sneaky little loopholes so they can continue to sell their demon “food” unfettered by silly regulations, and do it with the approval of the government AND public health advocacy groups! Win-win-win, suckers!

Currently 30 percent of North Korean residents are “substantially undernourished,” but every single country save China and South Korea does not want to donate food because the PRK’s government is all nuked up. AHAHA sorry fellow human beings; your government eats up all your food and hordes money you will never see, makes selling or trading your own food illegal, and refuses to shut down its nuclear program despite 30 percent of you already starving! And not one wealthy country that could give you food or the supplies to grow your own will, because we’re all playing a game of nuclear-chicken with your dictator-leader! I guess you’ll just have to rely on the underfunded U.N. World Food Program.

Those lovely reuseable plastic-composite shopping bags all the grocery and drugstores sell now? Some of them are full of lead. YES. Thanks for the Q.C., government! Glad you’re looking out for us as we try to avoid using terrible animal-murdering never-decomposing plastic bags! Solution: canvas. Just use bags made of recycled canvas and you and the environment and the cotton-harvesters will be all right.

And here are your FDA recalls from last week (Nov. 9 to 13)! As the majority of these are non-vegan, maybe let your meat- and cheese-eating pals know about them. And sleep well at night knowing how much lower your risk of bacterial illness is.

Thanks for strictly enforcing those safety standards, FDA! Man it is great to live in a country whose government cares so much about its citizens’ health and safety.

09/14/2010

Farmers markets, consumer warnings and political scandal in your egg-recall update!  »

The Humane Society wants us to know that eggs from the farmers market can come from hens treated just as terribly as hens that supply eggs for supermarkets. Many of you are probably like, “duh,” but before I became vegan, I was unaware of this sort of thing. I even assumed “organic” automatically meant humane! But it’s just not so.  Side note: that was actually why I initially became vegan, because if you don’t go directly to the farm, you just don’t know how the animals are treated. But I can’t be running around on farms everyday just so I can eat omelets! I’ve got work to do and dance moves to perfect!

Last week, the Humane Society sent letters to California’s farmers markets asking them to forbid the sale of eggs from caged hens: “To increase food safety, improve animal welfare, and to meet the expectations of their consumers, we hope California’s farmers markets will stop allowing their well-earned ‘halo effect’ to extend to companies and products that don’t deserve it.” LGBT Compassion regularly protests the live-chicken vendors at Heart of the City Farmers Market—did you know that these hens aren’t protected by California’s poultry slaughter laws?

Of course cage-free doesn’t necessarily mean the hen can go outside or anything silly like that, but they generally* do have enough room to spread their wings and actually move in general. And as the Humane Society points out, “cage-free” also means safer, according to the last 10 studies on the subject.

In other egg-recall news, New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand says consumer notification systems in food-recalls are plain janky. She says it’s imperative for their health that people get up-to-date information and they should be notified within 24 hours of any recall. I’m going to have to cosign this movement as I was talking to friends just last weekend who had heard jackshit about the egg recall. Dang it! I love most of my friends! I don’t want them to die from Salmonella!

Does anyone else remember the E. coli outbreak in spinach in 2006? When I went to Whole Foods around then, every single bag of spinach had an E. coli warning—have they done that with the eggs? I don’t know, I don’t buy eggs, but I doubt it. And you know why? Politics!

That’s right, in the world of food safety, corruption abounds. A survey released yesterday by the Union of Concerned Scientists showed that almost half of the scientists and inspectors at the federal agencies in charge of food safety say big business and congress has interfered in their work. This was a problem under the Bush administration and apparently there’s been little improvement under Obama. From the LA Times:

"What we found is that action is needed to curtail interference in science, both political and that driven by the private sector," said Francesca Grifo, director of the Scientific Integrity Program at the Union of Concerned Scientists. "We have two very different agencies giving very identical responses, and this suggests the need for broad reform."

Inspectors responding to the survey reported pressure from their own agencies to make problems disappear and to help offending companies remain open even when there are clear violations. So basically, we’re screwed! Business over safety, that’s the American way.

Speaking of business and corruption, Grist had a good piece yesterday about the crazy egg empire of Jack DeCoster. DeCoster owns Wright County Egg, one of the egg factories subject to the recall, and according to Grist writer Tom Philpott, he’s “one of the most reviled figures in industrial agriculture.” DeCoster views violating food safety laws as no big deal, and paying fines as another part of doing business. OMG this guy rules! Wright County Egg is only the ninth-largest egg producer in the U.S. BUT! DeCoster may very well be numero uno of the egg market! BUT! It’s very confusing! Philpott tries to get to the bottom of it:

[There are] four large egg producers—DeCoster Family Farms (Wright County Egg), Hillandale Farms, Ohio Fresh Eggs, and Quality Eggs of Maine—which [are] controlled by or have extremely intimate links with Jack DeCoster. The Cal-Maine list of the largest U.S. egg producers puts the hen flocks of DeCoster Family Farms, Hillandale, and Ohio Fresh at 9 million, 14 million, and 7.6 million, respectively. It doesn’t list Quality Egg of Maine, but the Boston Globe says it keeps 5 million hens…. [T]hat amounts 35.6 million hens under management by companies owned by or tightly linked with DeCoster—more than 10 percent of the nation’s total flock (340 million).

Philpott is not done yet but I’ll keep you updated. God bless his tireless soul!

I know our vegan readers don’t buy eggs, but many of our friends and loved ones do. One thing we can do is get them hip to the farmers market jive and tell them to always ask egg vendors if the hens are cage-free, and to ask farmers market organizers if they allow eggs from caged hens. I find that even when omnivores don’t care how animals are treated, many of them are über-scared of food-borne illnesses so the increased danger caused by small cages is a good thing to make them aware of. Everybody now: BABY STEPS!

*This is an update. Cage-free doesn’t necessarily mean they can spread their wings or anything superfluous like that. FYI.

[Top image from Animalvisuals.org; click to see full chart. Bottom from Grist]

09/03/2010

Lax food safety standards make veganism a safer choice  »

"Food safety" is totally conceptual, right? Like "equal rights for all humans," everyone’s all for it in theory, but in practice it just…isn’t.

The forced labor camps in Iowa where all the Salmonella-eggs came from had “pits beneath laying houses where chicken manure was piled four to eight feet high” and “hens that had escaped from laying cages [were] tracking through the manure.” Not to mention the “meat and bone meal” chicken feed tested positive for Salmonella AND was kept in bins full of holes! Want to feel worse? Read all the stories on Chow’s list of the terrible history of the DeCoster farms.

Or, OK, leave off the half-million recalled eggs; maybe they were some kind of huge outlier. An FDA inspector hadn’t seen the inside of one of those chicken-prisons in at least six years, anyway. How’s the meat industry doing? Very poorly, is the answer! They’ve fought every change to every regulation, claiming that they follow all the rules and new ones are unnecessary. Now a super-rare strain of E. coli has appeared in ground beef from Cargill, but the American Meat Institute says that they’re so busy working on preventative measures, which would be blown all to pieces if the Dept. of Agriculture dared to list this new scary E. coli as an illegal substance in ground beef. Even though it has already make people sick, and forced a recall of 8,500 pounds of Cargill ground beef—no no, it’s not THAT bad! Shut up and listen to the nice executives, FDA.

And if you don’t eat meat: how about some honey from China? It’s full of delicious antibiotics! Not that China has time to worry about one company’s scam; it discovered that 402 tons of imported dairy products—99.8 percent of total dairy imports!—were full of Enterobacter sakazakii, plus “excessive amount of nitrites, zinc and total bacterial count.” Wait, E. sakazakii has “historically high case fatality in infants,” up to 80 percent, and the aforementioned “dairy products” were POWDERED MILK FORMULA? That people FEED THEIR INFANTS? Way to go, every country involved in this disgusting scandal, which include Australia, France, New Zealand, Singapore, Taiwan, the U.S., and of course China: you are all reprehensible. [news links via Tom Scocca]

Of course it’s safer—and more humane, but duh—not to eat animal products, but for how much longer? If we don’t change our methods of food production, the world is fucked. The animal-borne bacteria will get into our produce because giant farms aren’t careful with their runoff, and we’ll all perish of some kind of horrible E. coli/Salmonella hybrid. Good luck out there, everyone.

03/05/2010

Fake meats and smug vegans, elephant geniuses, killer snakes, your very own puppies AND MORE in today’s link-o-rama!  »


Pugs becoming men, men becoming wolves: Werepug Bar Mitzvah!

They are few, but crucial: Your vegan events!
Fun times at the San Francisco Public Library! On Saturday, Mar. 6 from 2 to 3 p.m. at the Noe Valley branch (451 Jersey St. at Castro Street) Maya Donelson will host a workshop on rooftop gardening. And on Tuesday, Mar. 9 from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. at the Bernal Heights branch (500 Cortland Ave. at Moultrie Street), you can learn all about urban composting. Both events are free and open to the public.

On Thursday, Mar. 11 Blood and Sunshine will release their latest E.P., Change Is in the Weather, at 9 p.m. at Thee Parkside in San Francisco. Why should you care? First, because half the band, Joseph Macrino, is vegan and loves your Vegansaurus. Second, because he and James Brennan (the other half of the band, no doy), have decided to plant a tree for every 200 miles they travel on tour. See how much they love the environment? A LOT, is how much. The show costs $6, which in this economy is basically nothing, so go already!

Next Saturday, Mar. 13 from noon to 2 p.m. the PETA Pack—which includes Friend of Vegansaurus’ Cinnaholic—is having a bake sale in front of the PETA Oakland office, at 538 Grand Ave. The proceeds will benefit PETA’s Investigations and Rescue fund.

Also on Saturday, Mar. 13 is the next meeting of the Bay Area Vegetarians book club! The book is Slaughterhouse by Gail Eisnitz; be at Vegi Food at 2085 Vine St. (at Henry Street) in Berkeley at 1 p.m. to discuss it. RSVP here.

Farm Sanctuary’s California Country Hoe Down is coming! Friend of Vegansaurus’ Melisser (of Sugar Beat Sweets) went in 2008 and had a great time, and photos from 2009 look pretty great as well. Tickets are on sale for the May 1 through 2 event right now, and I hear they go fast, so if you’re interested you should probably buy them soon.

Help the great state of Indiana end live bait dog training by sending an email to Natural Resources Commission and Governor Mitch Daniels. This practice is seriously vile: people throw a wild-caught coyote or fox into a pen with a pack of dogs to “train” the dogs for hunting.

It is lengthy, and debatably important: Your vegan weekend reading!
Well fuck, salmonella’s been found in MORE FOOD. This time it’s in hydrolyzed vegetable protein that was made in a Basic Food Flavors plant in Las Vegas (Woo!). I guess HVP is a food, however much it dyslexically looks like HPV? Anyway, the products being recalled include some from Follow Your Heart, so be safe and check your packaging, OK?

Problem: we’re all Fat and awful. Solution: extrapolate results from experiments on fruit flies, because science!

But Michael Markarian, president of the Humane Society Legislative Fund, believes in a “pathway to end animal testing” and needs your help making this a priority for lawmakers.

If food is religion, then vegans are obviously terrible, self-righteous proselytizing zealots. "It’s just food," after all.

WHO WANTS A PUPPY? Uh, me! AND YOU! Get over to the East Bay SPCA, they have pit bull puppies right now! [thanks, Brittney of Eye on Blogs!]

Vice interviews the Rosaire family, who run a circus-cum-exotic-animal-sanctuary. Vice would like you to know that this issue is not as simple as “circuses are bad, free the animals,” you small-minded PETA assholes.

Meanwhile, elephants are proving themselves even smarter than anyone thought, most recently at math. Probably elephants have greater math skills than me, because they weren’t societally conditioned to hate and fear it.

According to a survey by Canadian bacon company, 43 percent of respondents would rather eat bacon than have sex. Ugh, that’s cool ‘cause I’d rather not have sex with you bacon-crazed grossies. Arguably, this is a reason against moving to Canada.

Shamu is too depressed over Tilikum killing that lady to Tweet anymore.

You’re kidding—poop from all the animals crammed into “megafarms” is a major pollutant? It’s causing huge environmental problems? And agricultural interests are fighting every effort to regulate the disposal of all this poop? I AM SO SHOCKED RIGHT NOW.

Continuing the fucked-up news, the Grayson County Humane Society/SPCA shelter in Leitchfield, Ken., was broken into last week. The perpetrator(s) “brought a very cat-aggressive dog into the office, beat her severely, and then released two cats from their cages.” the perpetrator(s) took money from the shelter and left; the dog killed the cats. Here is further information about the crimes and donating to the organization.

Hey everybody! Starting today, it’s open season on wild Burmese pythons in Florida for the next six weeks! If you have a Florida hunting license, you can chop a snake’s head off with a big knife! It’s totally cool, though, because thanks to irresponsible snake-buyers, Hurrican Andrew, and participants in Florida’s “active exotic animal trade,” plus the pythons’ crazy-high fertility, there are snakes EVERYWHERE, ruining Florida’s natural ecosystem and begging to be murdered. Anyway, they are naturally vicious—one time a family pet got out of its cage and strangled a toddler! KILL ‘EM ALL BANG BANG BANG.

Never mind Florida, actually, let’s go to Argentina! Buenos Aires is now bursting with veg restaurants, and it sounds (and looks!) goddamn amazing.

Less fancy but still reportedly delicious is Chipotle’s Garden Blend burrito. Holy shit they charge $3 for guacamole at this Chipotle in New York, I am SO SORRY you guys.

Thanks to officials in the Obama cabinet, the U.S. government supports the international ban on Atlantic bluefin tuna. Sorry, sashimi-crazies. May I suggest learning to enjoy vegan sushi? It is delicious and environmentally friendly!

Smokey and Petra, two lops, make Oscar predictions!

Cow philosophy: thought-provoking, or obnoxious wanking? Really, you tell me; I can’t decide whether it’s an interesting way to make point, or if I just want to slap the dude because the answer is so obvious, even asking is angering. UGH.

Poor old Knut: first he’s the tiny star of screen and song; then he’s reviled as “anti-social” and “dangerous;” now the Berlin Zoo is trying to mate him with his first cousin, which PETA Germany advises against because of the extra risk of their offspring inheriting genetic abnormalities. Just neuter him, and it’ll be all right, they say! But: “The castration of Knut would cause dismay among his fans around the world and would reduce his market value.” I think the first problem here is referring to the procedure as “castration,” but what do I know, I’m a lady.

A fox-hunt-supporter got too close to a “gyrocopter,” the blades of which vertically split his head in two. The world has lost another hero, you guys.

Jonathan Kauffman likes Enjoy Vegetarian more than I do, but not nearly as much as Laura does. But that bitch likes everything and I am always in a bad mood/have indigestion, so can you really trust either one of us? (hint: probably not)

Emily Stokes is the most put-upon reporter on the Financial Times staff: she had to eat at a vegan restaurant with Jonathan Safran Foer, where the food was awful and JSF was smug, telling her about how he wouldn’t even use his own fork to move the meat off his plate when it was served to him in a Ukranian restaurant 10 years ago. I feel like this opportunity might’ve been better appreciated by Mark Rowlands, who seems like less of a sourpuss. Bourdain, of course, is the same old big-talking doucheface he’s always been.

JSF “shuns” fake meat (including seitan, which, what?); Anneli Rufus think it’s “like having sex with a blow-up doll.” PLEASE PLEASE tell me what you think, I AM DYING TO KNOW. For reals, let’s discuss.

Call us names/ask us out: this week we criticized the trope of the Vegan Boy, and got all huffy about rabbit-killing (again).

01/24/2010

Another salmonella-related meat recall  »

What is this doing taking up an entire post? Bill Marler reported on an outbreak of salmonella montevideo on Marler Blog—which “provid[es] commentary on food poisoning outbreaks and litigation”—on Friday, an entire day before the USDA actually announced the recall of 1.24 million pounds of meat, is what. Obama Foodorama is rightly pissed about this, especially considering that this is a Class 1 outbreak, meaning infection could have serious consequences (read: death).

Ha ha SO CUTE. You know how salmonella outbreaks occur? Animal poo gets into the food. Exposure to high temperatures destroys the bacteria, but the recalled products this time are all salamis, which are cured meats—meaning, they don’t get cooked! Enjoy your salmonella sandwiches, fellow citizens! Something like 184 of you in 38 states already have.

Thanks, USDA, for taking such good care of us all. The only thing that makes me feel safe about food anymore is that I eat vegan, and even then it’s iffy.

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