vegansaurus!

12/08/2010

Hello, friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

Have you guys been watching this horrible Sarah Palin abortion that is on the television? Several questions: What is wrong with this woman? Also, what is wrong with this woman? And finally, what is wrong with this woman? I have never seen this show because my head would explode in a volcano of rage, but I have read about it and seen delightful pictures of Sarah Palin: with a shotgun! Sarah Palin: with a hunting knife! Sarah Palin: crouched over the remains of a caribou she has just murdered! I don’t know if I asked this before, but what is wrong with this woman? How can you be so clearly against things like abortion and not be against murdering innocent animals? And how could you think that aerial hunting is an acceptable sport? I was going to just say FUCKFUCKFUCK for the next several lines, but my mother told me that my swearing is getting to be a bit too much and that I really need to tone it down; so instead, I ask you again: What is wrong with this woman? And additionally, do you think that seeing herself murdering things on television will make her feel bad about herself? I can hope, but it seems that this woman lacks both shame and insight!

Man, I am about to get even angrier. Perhaps it is because this week is not getting off to a delightful start. It is cold, I am tired, and our heat is out again. Even when we turn it up to about 90, we still have to wear several layers and then cover ourselves with about 5 million different covers. This is what I got out of Russia for! Not to freeze to death in the winter. And of course Allen is no help. I’m all trying to cuddle up and steal some of his precious heat when he groans and kicks me while asleep! Why does his unconscious aggression toward me come out during the coldest nights? It’s times like this that I wish I had some fluffy animal friend to keep me warm. A dog perhaps, or some kind of large rodent (it would be so awesome if someone made like a giant hamster that I could cuddle with. No homo.). I used to chill with a rabbit that lives with my old roommate now. Perhaps I could borrow her for these cold winter nights. Know what I wouldn’t do to a rabbit, though? Crush it under glass while wearing a school uniform!

WHOOOOOOAA! HOLD ON THERE! THAT WAS NOT A SEGUE!

Exactly. Even after seeing “2 Girls 1 Cup” (OMG!) I was not prepared for the horror that was Chinese animal-crushing porn. Did you know that such a thing even existed? The video, which lasts about four horrifying minutes, is of a young woman dressed in a school uniform picking up a rabbit, stroking it, then mercilessly crushing it by placing it under a piece of glass and sitting on it. Sickening! And not even lucrative! This girl was paid $60 for killing a defenseless fluffball! And then stamping on it! Se claims that she didn’t know about what the job was going to be like because she found it on the internet, but really her innocence ends there. If I were a young woman looking for work and someone was all, “Yeah, you’re hot. Please come shoot this movie,” I would be wary. Perhaps I would go and see what it was about, but the moment the producer says something like, “Let me tell you my vision: You and three of your closest friends are chilling with Mei-Wen’s new rabbit, until you, in a cathartic act that exposes the cruelty of our society, grab the bunny, place it under glass, and slowly crush it with your posterior. Finally, you and the girls stomp the bunny with your stilettos in a meditation on futility as the screen fades to black,” I would be OUT OF THERE. It is just not OK! Actually, I would probably report these people, too and then firebomb their studio. I’ve actually been joking about firebombing a lot lately. I should really stop reading teen novels set in a dystopian future.

Speaking of teens (see what I did there? I am so pleased with myself!) There is a "Justin Bieber of Bullfighting." I didn’t even know that being a “Justin Bieber of” anything was now an accepted thing, but apparently what it stands for is being an annoying tween with an annoying talent. Like singing songs about “baby, baby, baby” or killing bulls because it is “fun.” Unfortunately, unlike Justin Bieber, who is merely ubiquitous, Michelito Lagravere is a horrible little monster who has slaughtered over 300 bulls. I wonder how this kid is going to adjust as he gets older—you can’t kill six bulls at a single time while wearing sequined pants and come out of it unscathed. You don’t just recover from that. I’m really angry at this kid, but I am even angrier at his parents, who not only encourage it, but seems to believe that this kind of behavior is condoned by god. It just doesn’t make any sense. I wonder if I could apply the same question that I applied to Sarah Palin to this kid. But then I’d also have to apply it to his family. And any place that allows something like bullfighting. And then any place that allows cruelty to animals, whether it be for pornography, sport, food, fun, or clothing. What is wrong with people?

Just thinking about this stuff is exhausting. Why don’t we call it a day and meet here again next week, when there might be happier news to report and less of my head exploding in a rage volcano? Send me links for next week, and have a safe Wednesday out there.

[caribou photo by Daniele Colombo; Indian bison photo by Pandiyan]

10/06/2010

Hello, Friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

What is wrong with America’s teenagers? No, really; this is not a rhetorical question. I’m not even talking about teen moms and Miley Cyrus (although, LOTS WRONG THERE! But I am going to blame Achy-Breaky Daddy for THAT!). I am, in fact, talking about prom queens (unsubstantiated!) that shoot bears for fun.

Here is a direct quote from Jessica Olmstead, who shot a 448-pound black bear with her brand-new bow and arrow set!

 Says Jessica, “Whenever I see a bear I just want to go at it. When you’re hunting, your heart is racing, your blood is pumping, and you feel that adrenaline rush. I really love to hunt.”

I’m sorry, what? I could not hear you over your psychopathic ramblings. When you see a bear, you “just want to go at it”? Sounds like sexual frustration to me. Also: it’s interesting that your first instinct upon seeing a bear is to shoot it dead. My first instinct upon seeing a bear is to shit my pants (because bears are huge and also want to eat your picnic!). My second instinct is to run like hell because WHAT THE FUCK! That’s a fucking bear that weighs more than I do!! My third instinct is to shoot—WAIT FOR IT—a picture or maybe a video. The idea of murdering the bear just for being in your sight line? Not normal! You don’t need to shoot a bear for food or in self-defense. You are shooting a bear for fun. And then you are gutting it and posing for pictures and talking about how awesome the experience was. Charmer!

Side note: Don’t you wish new weapons were more like ice skates? Remember that part in Ice Princess when the evil girl’s mom bought Michelle Trachtenberg those awesome new skates and she didn’t know that you have to break skates in before you compete in them and so she fell and hurt herself? Wouldn’t it be awesome if the same thing happened with bows and arrows? Perhaps then we would have fewer mid-American beauties/high-school hunting stars shooting at shit they have no business shooting at.

Oh, hey! Here’s a nine-year-old girl who broke a record for shooting a bear! You’d think that a website titled “Black Bear Heaven” would be into preserving and loving black bBears, but apparently it is actually into SENDING them to heaven. And encouraging children to kill them. And then discussing whether these children actually broke a record with their murder. These are the same people who will be surprised, 10 years from now, when they hear that their little darling has gone on a six-state killing spree (CONJECTURE! PURE CONJECTURE!).

Quick question: Remember that one girl who was dumping puppies into the river (WARNING: video clip)? Why was everyone so outraged about that? Why were people calling for her arrest and murder? What did she do that was so different from these girls who are being encouraged, if not outright celebrated? What makes her throwing puppies into a river so much worse than shooting a black bear and then posing on top of the carcass for pictures? Is it because puppies are cute? Bears are also cute! Is it because puppies are domesticated animals we can control and therefore love, versus Black Bears whom we cannot be bringing into our home? Why does that make it OK? I’m not saying that throwing puppies into a river is OK AT ALL. It is HORRIBLE and REPREHENSIBLE. I am saying, however, that there shouldn’t be a crazy double standard that allows us to call for the death/rape/mutilation of a 12-year-old girl while politely applauding Jessica Olmstead and ignoring our friend Sarah Palin’s AERIAL WOLF-HUNTING.

I know I’m probably preaching to the choir here, but this stuff makes me so sad and so angry!  

Let’s motivate ourselves by watching a bear give it back. And by “bear,” I mean panda. Please excuse that it’s from some disgusting dairy product; this panda is too cute/insane to resist! Just pretend it’s Panda Cheese by Tofutti…actually, can anyone veganize this for us!? 

[can’t see the video? watch it at vegansaurus.com!]

NEVER SAY NO TO PANDA!

Have an awesome Wednesday! Please send me links for next week!

09/08/2010

The wolf slaughter and how you can help!  »

When I wrote about the situation of wolves in the Rockies yesterday, commenter Vi Z. asked, “Is any organization stepping forward to counteract this? Can we do anything?” Being such a pro journalist, I probably should have included this information in the initial post, but! I didn’t. So I’ve looked up a few now and I’d like to share them with you.

Defenders of Wildlife is a pretty dope-seeming organization that I hadn’t heard of because I’m so busy watching NCIS that these things fall through the cracks. They are working crazy-hard to help the wolves! They have a number of petitions you can sign:

You can donate to Defenders of Wildlife’s wolf efforts here and you can also adopt a wolf if you like—I’m always encouraging the adoption route if you know any kiddies you can get involved. They also have these “wolf-saving gifts" you can donate that include various ways to protect "livestock" from the wolves like radios and other devices that deter them (but don’t blow their heads off).

Another organization helping to protect wolves is Earthjustice. Earthjustice appears to be a bunch of super-hero lawyers! You can contribute to them and aid in the legal fight for wolves’ lives. Save Biogems, part of the Natural Resources Defense Council, is collecting donations as well. As always, you can also check out the Humane Society’s efforts and donate to them.

Finally, you can contact the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and tell them to step up their mother-clucking game when it comes to our wolves.

In my search for wolf-support organizations, I came across this awesome video by youtube user PhotoAnimationGuy. A rapping pug gives Sarah Palin what-for over her support for aerial wolf-hunting in Alaska. It’s my new jam!


[can’t see the video? watch it at vegansaurus.com]

12/09/2009

Um, that is totally our less pink cousin. Don’t worry, he wasn’t hurt, that’s just Tina Fey.
Thanks, BStrand! Also, mad thanks to him for THIS BEAUTY. We call it, “And Still I Rise.”


Via The Guardian

Um, that is totally our less pink cousin. Don’t worry, he wasn’t hurt, that’s just Tina Fey.

Thanks, BStrand! Also, mad thanks to him for THIS BEAUTY. We call it, “And Still I Rise.”

Via The Guardian

11/18/2009

More about Sarah Palin, who is terrible  »

I know, already you’re like, OK, Vegansaurus, we are hearing about her stupid goddamn book from literally the entire internet, you made a tenuous connection between her and vegans yesterday, give it a rest already. But we won’t be stopped! Because the TRUTH WILL OUT: she’s queen insanator! She’s the insanator to rule them all! She’s the one true insanator! She is dragging public discourse down into the illiterate, xenophobic, carnivorous mud and WE AREN’T GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

And you guys, that’s not even the point of this post. The point is, you kind of want to read her terrible, crazy book, don’t you. That’s all right, you don’t have to admit it now. There’s a solution to your problem that doesn’t involve waiting three months for a copy at the library, if you don’t have the patience for that. What you can do is buy a copy at Green Apple Books at 506 Clement St., because they’ve promised to donate 100 percent of their profits from Going Rogue to the Alaska Wildlife Alliance, which does things like protect wolves from being hunted from airplanes, like that horrorshow was so fond of.

So if you must needs buy the book, buy it from Green Apple, OK? OK.

(thanks to Brittney from Eye on Blogs for the link!)

11/16/2009

Direct quote from Sarah Palin’s new book: “If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?”
Hey everyone! Just in case you were wondering how Sarah Palin would behave in a hypothetical situation in which you were invited to her Wasilla meth mansion for a tasty meal, now you know. Also her book is going for NINE DOLLARS on Amazon right now. That is a discount of $19.99 off the list price. Not linking because, gross.
(via stfuconservatives, via timmelideo)

Direct quote from Sarah Palin’s new book: “If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?”

Hey everyone! Just in case you were wondering how Sarah Palin would behave in a hypothetical situation in which you were invited to her Wasilla meth mansion for a tasty meal, now you know. Also her book is going for NINE DOLLARS on Amazon right now. That is a discount of $19.99 off the list price. Not linking because, gross.

(via stfuconservatives, via timmelideo)

10/16/2009

So this starts when Megan from Say It’s Not Soy designs the ADORABLE original SF Vegan Bakesale flyer. It’s adorable, she’s adorable, etc. Then, she sees Mission Mission’s admittedly SLIGHTLY amusing re-design and decides to create her own hybrid poster and voila, adorable and sexy and terrifying cartoon girl who loves vegan cupcakes and kittens. I’m into it. SEE. Vegans can have a sense of humor. UNLESS YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY AND THEN WE’RE ALL STERN LOOKS AND JUDGMENTAL GLANCES.
Anyway, <3 the new flyer almost as much as I <3 the original!

So this starts when Megan from Say It’s Not Soy designs the ADORABLE original SF Vegan Bakesale flyer. It’s adorable, she’s adorable, etc. Then, she sees Mission Mission’s admittedly SLIGHTLY amusing re-design and decides to create her own hybrid poster and voila, adorable and sexy and terrifying cartoon girl who loves vegan cupcakes and kittens. I’m into it. SEE. Vegans can have a sense of humor. UNLESS YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY AND THEN WE’RE ALL STERN LOOKS AND JUDGMENTAL GLANCES.

Anyway, <3 the new flyer almost as much as I <3 the original!

09/24/2008

Pit Bulls against Palin!  »


I don’t care what your politics are, this bitch is seriously whack. And the opposite of vegan. Pit Bulls against Palin is a pretty adorable site, made even more adorable by the fact that their spokesbully looks a lot like my very first rescue dog ever, Pee Wee.

In other news, I still want to do it with Dennis Kucinich (call me!).

Update: the URL is no more, but they do have a Facebook group!
[photo via Pitbulls against Palin]

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