vegansaurus!
03/29/2010
Dear Canada,
What the fuck is your problem? You love lecturing us about being a responsible member of the world community, but you can’t even keep your own house in order. Global warming is melting away Arctic sea ice, and for the first year on record, no ice formed in key birthing areas for harp seals off Canada’s East Coast. The Humane Society toured the area, and they’re expecting “mass mortalities” of seals. Don’t feel like watching the video? I can sum it up for you in one word: BLEAK.
So of course you’re not canceling the baby seal hunt for this year. Which makes total sense. Any time a species is about to collapse, the most logical thing to do is club the few surviving newborns to death. In polite company, they use words like “tragedy” and “disaster” in a very passive-voice, evade-blame kind of way to describe what you’re doing. Since we’re not polite company around here: refusing to call off the seal hunt this year—of all years—is fucking genocide. Full stop.
Seriously, Canada, why can’t you take a hint? All your best friends have already banned imported seal fur. We did it in the ’70s, and the EU finally followed last year, leaving you with China, hardly an ethical powerhouse, as one of your biggest seal fur customers. Really, Canada?
You already know that the Humane Society has been hounding you and your prime minister with letters and boycotts of Canadian seafood. So now they’re trying another approach: rewarding good behavior, in the off chance it ever materializes. Each one of us will pledge to spend more money on everything Canadian if you stop the seal hunt. I personally pledged to drink an entire gallon of Canadian maple syrup and listen to nothing but Shania Twain and Rush on shuffle for a whole month. Tens of thousands of other people are already pledging their American dollars to you, but only if you cancel the hunt.
And by the way, while we’re talking about boycotts and embargoes, you know all that tar sand oil you keep trying to sell us? You can keep it. Or better yet, keep it in the ground. Oil and coal are what got us into this mess, and the last thing we need is an even dirtier and more polluting version of oil to melt away what’s left of the Arctic ice.
Anyway, Canada, thanks for listening, and GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
Love,
Vegansaurus.
ps. If this is your way of keeping disaffected Americans from threatening to move to you if George W. Bush or Sarah Palin gets elected, well, it fucking worked. Now can you leave the g-d seals out of it next time?
∞ posted at 16:09 by stevesimitzis 
01/21/2010
» Japanese robotic seal will make sweet marine mammalian love to your grandmother!
Japan has a complex relationship with marine wildlife. While their most notable foray into marine “science,” the government-supported Institute of Cetacean Research, kills whales and then sells their meat(!), this little combo of seals plus science is super-adorable: a therapeutic robot in the form of a white, fuzzy baby seal designed to comfort the elderly. Don’t diss—if you were whacked out on painkillers and consumed by fear of death, you’d totally be distracted by a little robo seal, too.
This seal is catching on in facilities around the world, which is good news! Because 1) it reminds the entire world that Japan is a very funny country! And 2) it takes the place of real live comfort animals! While imagining kittens and puppies helping your grandma to relearn juggling after her massive stroke is cute and all, let’s face it: institutions like hospitals might not make the best homes for real animals. Besides medical leeches and maggots–-living in a hospital and eating humans must be heaven for those mofos!
If you want more Japanoroboseal, check out this commercial, which plays on the popularity of robotic seals among old folks. Apparently, robots + seals + grandmas is like a recognizable cultural touchstone nowadays.
(via the awesomely named Japan Probe)
And FINALLY, if you are STILL jonesing for more of that special blend of Japanese + marine life + cute, well then, you very well might be one of those creepy white dudes with an Asian fetish. If so, get off the internet and go get help! We do not want you here! If not, go check out the movie Ponyo, by director Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki, who brought you Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and Howl’s Moving Castle. Ponyo follows the platonic (sort of?) love story between a Japanese boy and a sassy, adorable fish creature named Ponyo who washes up on shore one day. Ponyo digs this kid so much, she transforms into a girl his age so that she can chillax with him all human-like. If it sounds like the plot of The Little Mermaid, well, it kinda is, but shut up! This has awesome old-school animation, the most adorable fish creature you’ve ever seen, and cool stuff like ancient dinosaur fish!
