vegansaurus!

09/23/2010

Lady Gaga, your meat clothes make me sick!  »

God, if that horrible Lady Gaga monstrosity wasn’t enough, now designers are sending meat dresses down the runway at Fashion Week. Jeremy Scott (who is this person? I just looked up his designs and they are HORRIBLE. I’m not going to link, though, because I don’t want to give him more publicity than I already am by writing this) got a standing ovation after he showed a skirt/bikini/godawful mess that looked like prosciutto. I don’t know what worse, the fact that is is so ugly or the fact that the New York Daily News says, “Unlike Gaga’s dress it only appeared edible,” implying that Lady GagME’s dress was made of REAL MEAT.

OH MY GOD! Her dress was real meat. How are you gonna do us like that, Lady Gaga? How are you going to talk about the rights of others and how we all deserve them as you are standing there wearing a dress made of animals who not only have no rights but lost their lives to cover your genitals as you stand there talking about love and equality? Where is your SELF-AWARENESS? and where was it when your designer was stitching 25 pounds of dead flesh to make you a garment? That sounds like a scene from some horrible fairytale.

And then she’s all about not meaning any disrespect to vegans or vegetarians—IN WHAT WAY? How do you “mean no disrespect” when you are wearing a piece of dead cow on your head? Oh, wait…I get it! You said you’re “the most judgment-free” human being, so it must be true. First: impossible. Second: so you’ve mastered the art of making grand statements about yourself with only a modicum of basis in fact; OK. Third: we don’t care if you’re judging us. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point is that you are making a statement that makes absolutely no sense and didn’t even register until YOU EXPLAINED IT and EVEN THEN, WHAT? Plus, meat fashion isn’t even original. The Kermit dress was better, as far as statements about cruelty go.

You’re making this really hard on me, Stefani Joanne! How am I supposed to continue defending “Bad Romance” and “Paparazzi” to haters when my own reaction to this meat-dress debacle is to scream “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” through a motherfucking bullhorn?

I can almost understand people who eat meat but don’t wear fur (LOOKING AT YOU, Bethenny “Any excuse to get naked” Frankel), but the amount of cognitive dissonance that must be taking place when one says "I hate fur. And I don’t wear fur", poses on the cover of a magazine in a MEAT BIKINI, and then wears a full-on MEAT DRESS to an awards show is scary. I do not understand how wearing an entire ensemble made out of raw beef is different than wearing fur. How does that even make sense? What, you’re using the entire animal? What, you’re using it to make a statement? Sorry, I can’t hear you over your rampant, Kelly Killoren Bensimon-levels of hypocrisy.

09/21/2010

Colorado Bureau of Animal Protection’s chief investigator is “anti-animal rights”  »

Nope, not even kidding a little bit. Check out Scot Dutcher’s Twitter, which as of this post is still up and functioning, despite the state’s Dept. of Agriculture Deputy Director Jim Miller’s admission that Dutcher’s Twitter was “unauthorized,” and moreover, that “[I]t was something that we spoke with [Dutcher] about. He understood that he wasn’t supposed to be doing that.”

But I guess the guy in charge of animal protection for the entire state of Colorado is too, shall we say Mavericky to be silenced by mere policy. He is anti-animal rights and proud! Never mind the 860,000 pigs, 115,000 dairy cows, 400,000 sheep and lambs, “more than” 2.70 million beef cattle and calves, and approximately 6.25 million layer hens counted among Colorado’s top agricultural commodities*—Scot Dutcher thinks their living conditions are just fine, thank you, and doesn’t need any pesky USDA or FDA inspectors or anyone else telling him how to take care of them; they’re commodities, not precious little puppies. Would you tell a wheat farmer to be kinder to the wheat? A strawberry farmer to harvest the berries more humanely? No—and to Dutcher, animal rights appears to sound just as crazy.

This definitely seems like the right guy to call when you suspect farm animals are being abused. How much would you bet one of his first questions is whether they can still produce milk/eggs/wool/meat.

*Latest figures available were from 2007

06/09/2010

Big bad chefs and their big bad attitudes  »

Today in the New York Post, you can read this quote from Anthony Bourdain:

“I don’t know if it’s true,” says Bourdain. “But there’s a story that when customers started annoying [David Chang] by complaining about the lack of vegetarian options at [Momofuku] Noodle Bar, he changed the menu and put, like, pork in every dish.” (When asked for comment, Momofoku did not deny this claim.)

On the menu at Chang’s popular sister restaurant Momofuku Ssam Bar, there are sections dedicated to “Country Hams,” “Offal” and “Fish & Shellfish.” There are also notes that read “Please let us know if you have any food allergies,” “No substitutions or special requests” and “We do not serve vegetarian-friendly items.”

Right. On the other hand:

Not long ago, Le Pescadeux’s Perley recalls, his SoHo restaurant served turtle. No, they weren’t cooking turtle. Perley says a man brought his pet turtle—one of his few possessions left after a divorce—into the restaurant and asked the kitchen to prepare a raw hamburger patty for his shelled dining companion, “Sammy,” and a seafood entree for himself. The kitchen obliged.

What? What’s the problem? NO VEGETARIAN FOOD FOR YOU ASSHOLES, but cooking for some dude’s PET TURTLE? Sure, as long as it’s made of dead animal! That makes all the sense. After all, turtles won’t complain no matter what you put in front of them, but vegans are whiny babies who make requests, and we can’t have that!

You know, you all may be the rulers of your kitchens, but those are very tiny kingdoms, and frankly they sound incredibly unpleasant. So thanks, I guess; if you’re going to make me and my veg pals totally unwelcome, it’s terribly considerate of you to dispel any desire we might have of patronizing your restaurants, too. Seriously. I hope all your patrons are as lovely as you are.

05/06/2010

05/05/2010

04/30/2010

Vegan wining, spiritual dining, the names of milk, the miracle of elephants and MORE in today’s link-o-rama!  »

 Sweet Avenue presents: Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson cupcakes? Marilyn Manson I can live without, but I will take all the Gaga ones RIGHT NOW, PLEASE.

Have you entered our contest yet? You could WIN A SHIRT! Come on, son!

Vegan-style events for you!
Remember, the Women Entrepreneurs Showcase happens on Sunday in Berkeley, with a vegan catered lunch for only $4! Be at the David Brower Center at 2150 Allston Way from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.—lunch begins at noon.

The Recess Ends DVD release party is set for next Friday, May 7 at Medicine Agency, 1262 Mason St. at Jackson Street in San Francisco. The Recess Ends is a documentary about national unemployment—it sounds interesting, definitely worth a look. The screening starts at 8 p.m.

Miscellaneous items of varying importance!
Pajamactivism for the day: oppose the oil and gas leasing on the Outer Continental Shelf (via Defenders of Wildlife); ask Ahold to boycott Canadian seafood (via HSUS);’ Californians, contact members of the state Senate Appropriations Committee to express your opposition to SB 1345, which would legalize the importation and sale of kangaroo meat (via BAARN). “Pajamactivism”—y/n?

Aw you guys! CNN has the sweetest article about last weekend’s Worldwide Vegan Bakesale, with lots of photos of food you want to eat and people—and animals—you want to hug. San Francisco’s will happen next weekend, because of schedules, and whatever, you’ll get your desserts.

Baby activists: you could get scholarships for your awesome veg lifestyle! The Wall Street Journal finds it all a little silly—these children and their microloans, haven’t they money of their own?—but we say, go for it!

We’ve got all kinds of non-dairy milks made of all kinds of items, but we don’t have chickpea milk—yet. Israel does, though, and yes please we would like to try it.

The dairy industry, torturers of cows for profit (and fun?), would like the entire world to stop calling all non-animal milk “milk” and start calling it “imitation milk,” toute de suite. According to the National Milk Producers Federation, “soy milk” is a “bastardization of dairy terms.” Alternatively: "soy jism." Yes, someone outside of a creepy Western romance novel full of rape and cattle-roping still uses that word.

Attention pescatarians: you may now ease your consciences by purchasing your fish at Target and Wal-Mart, two of the top five purveyors of sustainable seafood as rated by Greenpeace. We are thrilled for you.

An Antioch, Calif. animal shelter killed two pit bulls this week, in apparent violation of the Hayden Act and despite the hard work of animal advocates. Life is so awesome, you guys.

"Foodies" are vegans, by which I mean, "white, affluent cultural snobs" and “elitists” who “romanticize poverty” and are basically terrible jerks who love eating.  Get it?

On that note: need vegan wine recommendations? The Chronicle has an article about making and pairing wine in a “meat two ways!” world.

Have you been reading Fed Up with Lunch blog? This week we got a guest blog about Meatless Mondays in the NYC public school system, and another from an organic farmer in Texas.

Let’s celebrate May Day with veal for a nickel! This doesn’t make me want to punch anyone in the stomach AT ALL. I’m also not at all irritated by the “Chicken wars” title of Michael Bauer’s little blog about all the delicious fried chicken choices in Southeast Kansas. “Chicken wars—whose tortured, murdered chicken has been prepared most tastily?” Man, fuck you guys.

OK, deep, cleansing breath: perhaps a visit to one of our fine city’s many cult-ish religion-run veg restaurants would help. Jackson West seemed to have a lovely time at all of them (I have been craving Golden Era for weeks, incidentally).

You can’t get Pizza Hut on military bases anymore, but you can get it in some prisons. Thanks, Aramark!

The down in your lovely soft comforter was most likely plucked from a living goose, which “constitutes torture.” Because you can only pluck a dead goose once, but you can pluck a living goose up to four times before you have to kill it! HA HA HA.

Letterman and his audience may find the idea of chicken activism high-larious, but after Ira Glass visited a rescued chicken farm, he went vegetarian. Fuck yeah Karen Davis!

The internet’s been all up in a bunch about discovering that chimpanzees grasp the concepts of “dying” and “death,” but I feel like Jane Goodall sort of already knew this 40 years ago? Regardless: if this leads to NEVER EXPERIMENTING ON THEM AGAIN, I’ll be happy; otherwise, science can shut the fuck up with its amazing animal discoveries and no heart.

You know what other animals are amazing? Elephants, duh! This week, an elephant in the Houston zoo made friends with a pit bull, which is apparently the only way a pit bull can be adopted in Houston, Texas. An elephant and dog in Tennessee are best friends, too, though that’s on an elephant sanctuary rather than a gross-out zoo. We also learned this week that elephants have a specific word meaning “let’s get out of here, there are bees around,” leading me to believe elephant language is rather like German.

04/21/2010

04/08/2010

SFist is extremely tolerant!  »

We’re used to Gothamist being an ass about anything veg-related, so we’re glad to see that SFist has taken a break from posting about ALL THE CRIME THAT HAPPENS IN OUR CRIME-RIDDEN CITY to spew some more veggie hate. Man, it’s like someone over there was violated by a celery stick. 

SFist is the most highly trafficked San Francisco blog, so shouldn’t it reflect the spirit of the city more? If, as they say, having Meatless Monday is like having Buttfuck Tuesday, then maybe SFist should cover veg issues with the same fervor and positivity that they cover gay issues. Or at least pretend to cover them with a modicum of positivity, like, ever.

Or why not cancel Pride Week? Because who in San Francisco doesn’t already know that gay people exist, or that we’re so surrounded by daily reminders of man-on-man handholding and baby adoptions that isn’t a big parade just, oh, a bit tacky and “superfluous”? Or maybe it’s not just about us and our own civic navel-gazing. Maybe these symbolic resolutions and street parties are our way of showing the rest of the country who lives here and what we’re about, and if we’re so “inundated” with vegans and farmers markets, then why are you demanding that we shut up about it like some kind of family shame? Because if SFist were to step outside their bubble of above-it-all for just a second, there’s a whole world out there where people are still hating on each other for what they put in their mouths, whether it’s cock or tofu, and isn’t San Francisco where we live to get away from all that bullshit? And no, a grilled vegetable plate is not an acceptable option.

Or maybe our flagship San Francisco blog should move its beat somewhere it would have some actual relevance. Are SFist trying to align themselves with Republican senators from Michigan who tore apart their governor for daring to declare Michiganders abstain from meat for ONE DAY A YEAR. Seriously, is this the kind of backwards shit we want?? Or linking to the CATTLE NETWORK? A big pro-ag “news” source when plenty of local sources covered it, including us? Or sneering at outdoor ad bans (which our voters approved TWICE)? At least we know there’s hope for Fountainhead Fridays—SFist is already circulating the petition.

Vegans are painted as either wealthy elitist jerks, or perpetually broke, style-phobic hippies who will never know the good things in life, depending which wrong we’ve committed this time. It just sucks when a blog that’s supposed to cover San Francisco—home of wealthy elitist jerks, perpetually broke hippies, and plenty of other economic groups—demonizes part of its population like it is trying to hurt the city, or something. Which is so moronic and small-minded, you’d think SFist were forming its own little anti-veg Tea Party. The SFist Meat Party for the Eradication of Vegans and Their Evil Agenda. What’s next, a Photoshopped Ellen DeGeneres with a Hitler ‘stache?

Of course there’s backlash to this resolution: if jerks are against it, that means we’re doing something right, yes? Yes. And nothing is worth fighting for if it doesn’t piss someone off. Further, this resolution isn’t going anywhere; it passed with 100 percent support, so Meatless Mondays will continue after you babies are done wailing and gnashing your teeth (canines and molars alike). SFist may hate resolutions because they have no actual political power, like every time the Board called for an end to the Iraq War, but they are important: what starts as language can grow into action. San Francisco is the first city to start Meatless Mondays, but we’re sure it won’t be the last. Someplace has to be the instigator; why not here, the birthplace of haute veg cuisine?

Fucking relax, already. Flipping your shit over a resolution that encourages restaurants to offer more vegetarian options ONE DAY A WEEK? Damn. The resolution doesn’t even urge San Franciscans to give up meat on Monday; it just urges business to offer more plant-based options (Hey! SFist, perhaps you’d like to read the damn thing!). Even if it did encourage people not to eat meat on Mondays—WHOA NELLY ONE DAY A WEEK SOMEONE DOESN’T WANT US TO EAT MEAT OMG I’M AMERICAN WHERE ARE MY RIGHTS AND MY GUNS We understand that change is hard; even entirely voluntary, symbolic change that in the short-term may not affect you one tiny bit. Real talk. I’m proud to live in San Francisco; it’s one of the most exciting, progressive, diverse, dynamic cities on Earth. Wouldn’t it be amazing if SFist celebrated that, instead of posting veggie-hate and constant crime stats. Oh and links to posts about graffiti. Just a suggestion—I’m full of ‘em! I’ll be here spit-balling ideas all night! 

This post is brought to you by Meave, Steve, Jonas, and Laura. We had things to say, OK??

03/25/2010

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