Ellen schools Jessica Simpson on Gardein!   »

Can’t see the video? Watch it on!

Look, everyone! It’s Jessica Simpson eating vegan onion rings on the Ellen show! And she’s about to burst! Were you on the edge of your seat wondering if she’d give birth on this segment? I was.

If you aren’t able to stomach the idea of watching this video in its entirety, you can skip to the 1:44 mark. Ellen unveils a bunch of vegan snacks for Jessica and then they discuss Gardein. Oh, Ellen! When are you and Portia opening your vegan restaurant in LA?

Here are a few things I took from this interview:

  1. Jessica Simpson knows what a vegan is. That surprised me.
  2. Ellen, if Jessica isn’t interested in your Gardein products, I am! I will enjoy them to the fullest (and probably all at once).
  3. What is a snoogle?! This is the first I’ve seen and I’m intrigued!
  4. Ugh, being so pregnant looks uncomfortable. Not interested! My sister will look like that in September and I shall ridicule her if she cannot pull off eight-inch heels (No I won’t! Neither of us could pull them off EVER, let alone when she’s 8.5 months pregnant!). I bought her some Food For Lovers queso, but she said the morning sickness makes Mexican food sound horrendous. No, sis: I know the baby wants it. Like all the vegan treats I will impose on him/her in the future! Being an aunt will be spectacular!

I just don’t feel like making snarky comments about Jessica Simpson. Maybe the idea of making fun of a massively pregnant woman seems too harsh. Plus, I think she’s kind of adorable and charming pregnant. Don’t worry! I kind of hate myself too.

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