vegansaurus!

05/12/2011

Little Bird Coffeehouse in the Tenderloin!  »

VEGAN BREAKFAST ALERT! One of the hardest things for vegans in this city to find is a suitable breakfast or brunch option. Well, there’s a new sheriff in town and they put a motherfucking bird on it! Little Bird Coffeehouse is a fairly new place in San Francisco’s Tenderloin neighborhood that serves up all kinds of vegan breakfast and brunch options, including damn good gluten-free blue corn waffles (covered in fresh fruit, maple syrup, and Earth Balance!), damn good vegan breakfast sandwiches (made with Soyrizo, tofu scramble, vegan cheese and magic), and lots of other damn good vegan stuff like donuts and muffins and other fantastic shiz. Also, various types of non-dairy milk for your coffee and tea beverages! It’s no-frills, with a counter for ordering and some rickety tables and chairs to enjoy your goodies. This place is a little interesting because it’s like stepping through a tear in the fabric of the universe and ending up in the Mission. When I’ve eaten there, its been infested with miner bros* ordering espresso and reading David Foster Wallace. Not a bad scene, just FYI.

I’d bring your friends, wife, LOVAS, kids. And I’d hide your parents unless they’re OK with no table service and enjoy listening to Ani Difranco whine about the 1990s. It’s really nice to have some more options in this area of town and I’d like to see them be the little bird that could so get on down there and eat some some breakfast panini.

Waffles

Soyrizo breakfast sandwich

Little Bird Coffeehouse is at 835 Geary St. (at Larkin), (415) 440-2165, open every day from 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. CASH-ONLY, Y’ALL.

*TM Kate Losse. It refers to a specific type of dude who wears plaid shirts and scruffy beards, à la gold miners. I will demonstrate:

Real gold miner

Classic “miner bro”

[miner bro, other miner bro]

12/29/2010

Reader JP shares this photo of Soyrizo, tofu, black bean, potato, Daiya, and jalapeño tamales. Family traditions made vegan!

Reader JP shares this photo of Soyrizo, tofu, black bean, potato, Daiya, and jalapeño tamales. Family traditions made vegan!

10/28/2008

Review: Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe!  »

Fuck the waitress at Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe here for the following conversation:

My mother: Oh this is fun music, is it a Halloween tape?
Hooker Whore Waitress (ROLLS HER M’EFFIN’ EYES AND SAYS): Um, NO, this is The Cramps.
My MOTHER (MOTHER, PEOPLE! AS IN, THIS WOMAN BIRTHED ME, HAVE SOME FUCKING R-E-S-P-E-C-T, RESPECT!): Oh, well, it’s very Halloweeny!
Hooker Whore Waitress: Yeah, well, it’s The Cramps, NOT Halloween music.
Laura: LADY, I WILL MURDER YOU!!!

It’s like, my mother is clearly in her 200s and doesn’t know The Cramps from The Shins from the Elvis, SO FUCKING BE A LITTLE NICE. These ladies need to be sent to charm school or clown college or somewhere where they are fucking taught some g-d manners. In fact, bring me in to school these bitches, they’ll be delivering waffles on a cloud of pirouettes and curtsying after giving you coffee made of dreams and shit like that. I’m all class, people.

Other than that, decent vegan breakfast selections and any of the egg dishes can me made with tofu. They also offer Soyrizo and Morningstar vegetarian (fuck you, Morningstar) sausages. For lunch, you’ll have your normal choices of a few salads and the unexceptional Portobello Mushroom burger. Oh yeah, Boca burgers too. Woo. One exciting thing about the dinner menu is Buffalo Tofu but there isn’t a vegan ranch or anything so you’ll probably be left to dip it in oil & vinegar. Woo.

Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe, for all of its hipness, still isn’t totally down with the vegans. I never really look forward to eating here; nothing on the menu seems especially made to lure in the veggies. I don’t like that. For its location, atmosphere and its supposed anti-establishment ways, there should be more of an effort made to hook a vegan girl up! One final note: there is one nice chef who will make substitutions in orders and one mean chef who will fucking make no exceptions even if you will die of an allergic reaction due to a certain ingredient in a menu item. He’s all, live with it. Even if you don’t. What an ass.

One extra point for when they let me put flyers of my foster dog named Rudy up all over the place. He’s this really cute blind pit bull and they wallpapered the restaurant with him. It was capital-A Awesome.

[photos via Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe]

10/22/2008

Review: Papalote!  »

Laura threw down the burrito gauntlet* the other day, making the claim that El Farolito makes the best burrito in the city. It may be less “autentico,” but I’ll stake my claim at Papalote.

Most burrito places have only one vegetarian option (helpfully labeled “vegetarian”). Papalote has a staggering six (count em! six!) veggie options, and all are also available as tacos (why would you order a taco? Why?): rice and beans; potato carrot mushroom; grilled eggplant and zucchini; grilled tofu; soyrizo; and molé tofu! The correct answer is molé! Order this, I will not steer you wrong! Seriously, where else can you get vegan molé anything? Somebody tell me. Refreshingly, all of these are vegan by default—you actually have to opt in for cheese and sour cream, and pay extra. This is called the “idiot tax.”

Also, they have the best, most unique and delicious-tasting salsa in the city. I have heard that the secret ingredient is pumpkin seeds, and I am willing to believe, because pumpkins make everything better. You can ask for extra salsa, but they will charge you, because they know how valuable it is. This is called the “precious commodities tax.”

Pro tip! Ask for a punch card when you get your burrito. They probably won’t offer you one! Buying ten burritos equals one free one, and you’ll probably blaze through that in a week, right?

There are two Papalote locations, one in the Mission and one in Western Addition. They also have vegan nachos, fajitas and a molé tofu entree on the menu. But again, why? None of these count towards your punch card! Prioritize!

Do yourself a favor and call ahead with your burrito order and then pick it up in 15 minutes. They have a second cashier line dedicated to pick up orders, and you will happily skip the always-out-the-door line, and jockeying with the crowd for free tables. This means, additionally, that Papalote is not a great date spot. You’ve been advised.

*A charming mental image!

[photo via yelp]

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