Giant squids are being killed by ocean noise pollution. NOT COOL  »

This is so unacceptable. First of all, don’t fuck with giant squids because they will cut you. WITH THEIR AWESOMENESS. If you’re not convinced of this fact, I have a list of ways in which the giant squid rules all:

  1. They can measure up to 60 feet long
  2. They have eight arms
  3. Their eyes are the size of beach balls
  4. They’re so enormous, that sometimes they eat whales as a snack! (please see accurate dramatic representation below)
  5. They can change colors! What! I thought only hyper color t-shirts could do that! Also, Mom, I’m still waiting for one of those! It’s not too late for me to be one of the cool kids
  6. Female giant squids are bigger than male giant squids and still, they work it. Go ‘head, ladies

Annnnnnnd case closed.

Because giant squids are so wily and elusive (good job, giant squids!), humans haven’t figured out how to kill and eat them just yet. However, when humans can’t destroy ocean animals by ripping them out of the water, we just murder them via sonic waves.¬†We are so amazing at killing everything! In related and also unrelated news, I’m gonna throw myself off a bridge later today. I kid, I’m not ready to end it all, I must stay around to torture you all via exclamation marks and CAPS LOCK!!

To cheer us all up somewhat, I leave you with this Brandon Bird original, Bad Day on the High Sea:

Bad day, indeed.

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