vegansaurus!

Things that make you go WTF: monkeys chained to tightrope-walking goats  »

Life lesson number one, my friends: if you ever find yourself chaining a monkey to a goat, you are doing something wrong.

Apparently this is a thing. I saw the above picture on that goats on stuff blog. Then I did a search and found all these other pictures of other goats on tightropes with monkeys on them. WTF?! The world is totally effed. I’m kind of over it. We should all just drink poison and have an end-of-the-world party. Just kidding! I hate group activities.

As far as I can tell from the various sites these pics are posted on, these are all from zoos in China. Jesus Christmas, China! Get your shit together! This isn’t cool. Have you all heard of this? Can I get a resounding WTF?

Monkey-dog rodeo: infuriating abomination of nature! Plus ridiculous costumes!  »

I had a horrifying, violent nightmare about monkey abuse the other night, so it’s fitting that the dumbest idea ever should come across my radar: a monkey-dog rodeo out of Tupelo, Miss.

Rodeos are bad enough, but this is downright stupid. I mean, the ex-bullfighter who runs it goes by “Wild Thang,” so that should give you a clue. But really, Tim Lepard? Monkeys and dogs don’t go together. You strap white-throated Capuchin monkeys to dogs, call them the “Ghost Riders,” and make them herd a group of sheep onto a Dodge.* THIS IS NOT GRABBING LIFE BY THE HORNS.

*INTO A DODGE, PEOPLE. A DODGE.

Get ready to cry forever: graphic footage captured at E6 Cattle Co. in Texas  »

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus.com]

Welcome to the dairy industry. This video was filmed over two weeks in March by Mercy for Animals at E6 Cattle Co., a dairy cattle ranch that raises calves for dairy production. The end of the video says “Go vegetarian” but that’s not going to help a dairy calf much, will it?

From Dairyherd.com,* “‘The actions in this video do not reflect the practices of the thousands of hard-working dairy farm families across the U.S. who care for their animals every day,’ the [Dairy Management Inc.] statement said. ‘Dairy farmers and their employees take this responsibility very seriously. Texas’ dairy farmers, as well as dairy farmers across the country, are as outraged by this video as the public.’”

Because that’s where we get our milk from, thousands of good old-fashioned dairy farm families. NOT.

From KCBD-TV** in Lubbock, Texas, “The owner of E6 Cattle Company issued a statement saying, ‘I take full responsibility for what happened in the video. I am embarrassed and disappointed. The four men in the video have been fired. This is not what we do at the ranch and it will never happen again.’”

“Embarrassed and disappointed” are not really the first words that come to my mind; more like “horrified and disgusted.” But this guy is disappointed. I’m sure before he fired the four men, he made them clap erasers in the back of the classroom.

What these four men did is appalling, but making them take the brunt of the blame irritates me. A company that is in charge of the life and death of living beings should be able to supervise and manage their own house. Know what I’m saying? But instead of cleaning up the industry, I’m thinking Texas might be the next state in line to ban undercover videos. It’s especially repulsive because this systemic abuse is revealed again and again, and it’s always blamed on rogue employees. Dude, you can’t put people in a factory farm or a slaughterhouse and not expect them to become a shell of a human being. Yes, I blame the workers who did this, but mainly I blame everyone who sits down to a tall cold glass of misery-mucus milk every morning. It’s the human demand for the milk of another animal (gross!) that leads to this kind of behavior—every asshole with their bowl of morning cereal is directly responsible for the gross abuse you see in that video. It’d be less gross to milk your dog and just drink that shiz. 1) PUKE and 2) You know it’s true!

For a little chaser, so we all don’t go crazy and start chopping heads, let’s watch the story of Billy, a little calf who was rescued from a similar fate by a very caring average Joe:

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus.com]

*My new favorite news authority
**My new second favorite news authority

One-fourth of meat is filled with multi-drug-resistant staph!  »

Yum! When your friends and family chow down on that burger, they’re not just eating fat, cholesterol, and rotting flesh, they’re also consuming antibiotics the animals are shot up with to keep them alive. Tasty! There are a million five-year-olds ordering Chicken McNuggets as I type this, and they have no clue their meals are served with a side of C-cup boobs before they’re seven and an early menstrual cycle! And that’s just the boys! Ugh, the whole piece in Wired is super interesting and definitely something to pass on to the meat-eaters in your life.

I think the best/worst parts are (because everyone wants my opinion!):

“We know already that most food-borne illness occurs not because of undercooked food” in which pathogens survived, Price said. “It’s from mishandling in the kitchen and cross-contamination. I think there is a risk of these strains contaminating a local environment. We don’t know what that risk is, because it has never been evaluated—but anyone who dismisses that risk is doing so without any data.”

All those people you know who are like, “Fuck it! I cook the shit out of my meat and I’ll live forever!” Let them know it doesn’t matter. 

And also:

Shelley Hearne, managing director of the Pew Health Group, told me: “The bottom line is, the more we use antibiotics in injudicious ways, the more we are compromising our ability to save human lives in the future.”

No fucking doy, but it’s nice to hear it from someone who doesn’t respond to information like this by saying, “No fucking doy.” You know? Sometimes science is our friend!

Agriculture subsidies are FUCKED  »

Here’s some shit to get super-pissed about. Unfortunately it has to do with the government and so we can’t do jack shit because we have no real power. Yay 21st-century livin’! Who knew freedom cost so much?? Seriously, if you guys want to take to the streets over this, I’m with you. I’ve got a flak jacket and a breast pump (don’t ask, the answer is too sexy for you), there ain’t nothing I can’t do. Let’s unite! And rebel! For realz. But first, here’s why.

Did you know that 63 percent of agricultural subsidies go to meat and dairy? BULLSHIT! If news of even more bullshit, less than 1 percent of agricultural subsidies go to fruits and vegetables. Check out the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine’s new report on agriculture policies, and be shocked and depressed. AND READY FOR ACTION!

Seriously, if we don’t take to the streets of the capital to protest this, the least we can do is send that chart to everyone and their mother and your mother and like, Gawker, because everyone’s mother reads that. What is going on with our moms? Anyway, spread the word, because maybe if enough of us get really crazy about it, we might actually get some attention. We can’t let this shit slide! We’re so concerned about our children’s future that we’re singing songs about it (i.e., very concerned) but we’re not really doing shit! RISE UP! But first, I need a donut.

Signed,
Part of the Problem

Dinner never looked so cute: The friend/food dichotomy  »

It’s lambing season apparently and the Guardian has the story in pictures. “Up to 300 ewes are lambing at Barracks Farm in Fetcham, Surrey. The farm is owned by the Conisbee family who supply their own butchers shops in nearby Horsley. The business has been run by generations of the family for more than 250 years.” I wonder what they used before spray-paint? I guess it’s better than branding. But most stuff is, eh?

These cute lambs numbered for death got me thinking and I’ll tell you: I don’t get people. How do they eat stuff like lamb? Everyone knows lamb are adorable fuzzy childhood delights! There are lots of things in the non-vegan world that have names that distance them from what they actually are. Like shearling—how the fuck do you know what shearling is? I mean you know what it is eventually but it’s not the same as “the skin of sheep ripped off with the fur attached.” But then there’s other words like, “calfskin” and I’m like WTF, calf…skin. Like, cute fuzzy baby skin. So gross! Who is like, “Calfskin? OMG, need!”

There has to be some serious damage that results in this transition where something like a lamb is loved and adored as a child and then eaten as an adult. That’s, like, sick. How many children’s stories center around cute little animal protagonists?  You teach children to be gentle and loving through stories about sweet bunnies who preach tolerance and then you feed them bunnies! Wouldn’t you be raising a bunch of confused sociopaths? But wait! Enter modern society, where violence is entertainment! It’s probably all a person can do to make sense of this friend/dinner dichotomy; it’s like victims of violence who perpetuate that violence to try and make sense of it or normalize it. Essentially: you’re all fucked.

(Yet another) New drug-resistant E. coli!  »

Well, it won’t affect us vegans just yet, but I’m sure it’ll make its way to us somehow. Thanks, meat mouths!

From the Wired article:

Chickens, chicken meat and humans in the Netherlands are carrying identical, highly drug-resistant E. coli—resistance that is apparently moving from poultry raised with antibiotics, to humans, via food.

I’d like to write more about how many levels of gross and fucked this whole thing is, but I’m finna board a plane to Austin! So instead, I leave you with: WE ARE FUCKED THE WORLD IS ON FIRE RUN FOR THE HILLS.

Hello, friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

You guys, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Between having to finish my last-ever (and incidentally most comprehensive) presentation for school and cracking a filling because I was chewing gum too hard, I have been barely able to stand. Then as soon as I was a little bit less overwhelmed, I started running a fever. Isn’t that just the worst? I mean I appreciate that my body is a complex and sophisticated system that recognizes when it is safer for me to turn the stress I have been feeling into an amazing bout with the flu/cold/plague, but it doesn’t really do anything to make me feel better. As soon as I’m done getting gray hair from every single project I have to do and think that I can settle in for some serious knitting/a Golden Girls marathon, my body turns against me and makes it so that I am either too hot or too cold or that my muscles get so sore that I can’t sit in one place for a long period of time. This is war! Fortunately for my body, the only way I know how to go to war on it is by consuming large amounts of Parma, which I put on everything (to Allen’s extreme chagrin, because he is delusional and does not enjoy it!), and swigging bottle after bottle of ginger ale. “Man,” you must be thinking, “Mark is pretty sick so he is probably not going to take us on a tour of horrors that he has found on the internet.” WRONG! I am miserable, so you will be miserable. Buckle in and let’s see what horrible things are happening this week.

Modern science has discovered that animals, specifically chickens, can feel pain. I did not realize that this needed scientific testing, but I suppose not everyone is as trusting as I am. Not only can chickens feel pain, but they can show empathy for the pain of other chickens. NO DOY, but good for you, science. Because I am trusting, I am going to imagine that these experiments were mostly harmless and that the chickens have now been found wonderful sanctuary homes. What I am less than pleased with is that since this news has come out, people have been showing how awesome it is to write cruel things on the internet.

What is it with people? I mean, as soon as you write anything about animals feeling pain they come out to talk about how delicious the animals are or leave comments like “I am going to have a chicken bacon sandwich later today. UMAD?” Just google anything about “chickens feeling pain” and you will find that the comments run from the classic “Humans are meant to eat meat!” to the perplexing “If I can’t have meat, what am I going to eat?” to the sensitive “Chickens feeling pain just makes them more delicious.” I don’t get it. It’s not like the news of the study says “DO NOT EAT CHICKEN!” but many people seem to immediately see anything that describes of evidence of animals feeling pain to a direct attack on their precious need to murder and swallow animals that are not human/adorable. Why? If you’re going to get that angry about an article like this, then perhaps you should check out your own food and guilt issues. In addition, I would suggest you not fuck with chickens because they are related to the T. Rex, and the T. Rex used to fuck some shit up, OK?

The next two stories come to us from Tim, who sends me links all the time, and who I presume is incredibly handsome and intelligent. In fact, he’s even got Allen jealous. Allen never sends me links. Anyway, the theme here is: PEOPLE SUCK. A LOT. Consider this: Dozens of sick and dead animals were found in the condemned home of an elderly disabled woman living in Long Island. There’s no mention of how authorities found out about what was going on (I imagine the condemned part had a lot to do with it), but the house was filthy, malodorous, and stuffed with suffering animals. Here’s my question, though: This woman is elderly, disabled, and living in a condemned house. Why was no one checking on her? I get that what she did was horrible, but people don’t hoard animals for fun, it is a psychological illness. I am outraged at the fact that there are dead and suffering animals, of course, but why are the authorities choosing to charge (and possibly jail) this woman as well as make her pay for the clean-up. If she is elderly, disabled, and living in a condemned home, I highly doubt that she is going to be able to come up with the cash. What are we going to do then? Force her to take a job or pay it off in jail? I just wish that we would look at this on a larger level and start thinking about prevention as opposed to punishment. What kind of group could be formed to assist people in such situations? Perhaps an animal rights organization could start a project that included home visits? I’m the first person to want repercussions, but this woman isn’t Michael Vick, and she certainly isn’t Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer.

Brian Schweitzer, you may be thinking, who is he? Well wonder, no more. This charmer wants to go against the Endangered Species Act and shoot whole packs of wolves in order to help citizens, “to protect their property and to continue to enjoy Montana’s cherished wildlife heritage and traditions.” I apologize for being dense, but aren’t wolves wildlife? How would shooting the wildlife help Montana’s citizens enjoy the wildlife? It seems really counter-intuitive to me. You can’t really enjoy wildlife if the wildlife is actually just the corpses of said wildlife. I dislike Brian Schweitzer for many reasons, and one of them is definitely the fact that I have just used the word wildlife about a million times. Another is that he wants to kill the wolves that eat elk because they are taking the elk (which they are eating for SURVIVAL REASONS) from the hunters who would otherwise be shooting them. How does this even make sense? How is this person in any position of power? Can anyone answer these questions?

That’s it for me. I’m going back to bed and see if I can sleep this cold/flu/plague off. Send me links for next week and have a happy Wednesday!

Chicken picture from Animal Place (adopt one! or take a chicken care class, too!)

Bowdoin College bros throw tantrum over Meatless Monday  »

Some students at Bowdoin College in Maine were so offended that their school cafeteria decided to participate in Meatless Monday, they threw an impromptu barbecue. Thrilling! My first thought is: This school is in Maine; who cares what they do? My second thought is: The privileged, self-entitled yuppies of tomorrow are so predictable! According to the article, the students are likening Meatless Monday to an attack on their civil liberties. Stop the press! You mean young privileged America is short-sighted and self-absorbed? Shocking! Wait until Europe gets a hold of this!

My favorite part of the article is that while the students are complaining they are being denied access to meat, they all manage to scrounge some up for their barbecue. Clearly, these rich douchebags have never been denied anything in their life. Meatless Monday is a threat to their rights? In a country full of racism, sexism, and xenophobia, it’s insulting that these kids think Meatless Monday is something to be offended about. Open your eyes: meat is destroying the planet!

You know what I’m going to be mad about? Recycling! I can’t believe my government, in the supposed land of the free, is imposing recycling on me! Will the injustice never cease?!