Learning to live and love and eat hella delicious raw food in San Francisco (without Cafe Gratitude) »
That’s what I wrote about over at The Bold Italic today! You should read it and then make me some Key Lime Pie! And by you, I mean Jenny Bradley, who used to work there and make KLP for a living, LUCKY GIRL. Lucky, that is, except for all the shady-ass shit the Cafe Gratitude employers were pulling, more of which seems to come out daily, of which I report on in a very shady manner. What can I say? I love to gossip and nobody every accused me of being a journalist lolz. Fair and impartial has no place on the internet and the sooner we all learn that and everyone just starts publishing websites that consist entirely of Top 10 lists (e.g. fat people’s 15 favorite foods, Phyllis Diller’s top 20 sexcapades, Best 16 reasons to end it all today, etc.) then the sooner we can all move into the future, burning cities and all.
YO COULD I HOLLER AT YOU FOR JUST A SECOND? I’ve got a story up on The Bold Italic about hacking recipes, vegan-style, and I want you to read it because my ego is fragile and I must have your approval in the comments section and also YOU GOTTA LEARN ABOUT THE VEGAN HACKER, SHE’S DOPE! And! If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, you have to go to an event, they are fun and delicious and FREE VEGAN FOOD and MAYHEM. If you’re not in SF, read the piece and learn how to how to hack your damn self! Hey, maybe even start an event in your town?? It’s the Vegan Hacker Revolution!! JUST GO WITH IT.
YO SLUTS! The bitch is BACK! I bet you didn’t even know I was gone because you’re a terrible friend but I was in Russia and Greece HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE! It was the “Go Big or Go Home Eating Tour of Russia and Greece 2011 Too Big to Fail” and it was ridiculous. Despite the fact that I was eating almost constantly, I lost some weight because I was also climbing up hills in thousand-degree heat to get to more food. CRUEL WORLD. Anyway, get ready to hear about everything on my trip until you wish I hadn’t been born and never visit this site again.
The Bold Italic has a piece on junk food veganism in SF. Yes! Another vegan writer in the city! Oh wait, she’s vegetarian! But she wants to be vegan! You go, girl! You can do it! Reach for the stars! Only god can judge you! Age ain’t nothing but a number!
Anyway, there are lots of delicious places mentioned in the story. Have you tried any of that junky goodness? How cute is the design on that story? How fast do you think I can gain the weight I lost in Greece and Russia via eating everything in that story—too late, already done. I’m like a cheetah, blink and you miss me. Eating a cake.
Full disclosure: I write for the Bold Italic! And also, I’m very sexy! That’s a complete full disclosure! Oh wait, I’m broke too. Now you know everything about me. And I wrote this naked. FULL DISCLOSURE. Sex sells!
It’s Friday afternoon, which means time for this week’s link-o-rama! »
Welcome to the very first Link-o-Rama of 2011! To celebrate, here’s a photo of our Megan Rascal’s perfect little princess Mitsy, featured last week on fuckyeahfelines, for obvious reasons.
And now, on to business! Let’s start with adorable animal stories to warm your heart on this chilly January day. Here is a very sweet video/memorial to recently deceased Taj, the elephant artist. Everything about it is beautiful, and here is a tissue, crybaby. This memorial to Paul the “psychic” octopus is a six-foot-high plastic statue and frankly, a mite garish, but “public demand from around the world” was so great, his aquarium had to do something, right? Totally.
Mind the whiplash as we move onto animal abuse! Out in Rancho Cordova (it’s like Sacramento), Calif., 50 bunnies were rescued from an illegal breeding operation run from “a recently condemned home,” which, sweet lord, those poor little rabbits. Our pals at Harvest Home Animal Sanctuary is now working to get them all adopted, which you can do through the Sacramento SPCA. Conveniently, Harvest Home is holding a Sanctuary Rabbit Spa Day tomorrow, Saturday, Jan. 29 from 1 to 4 p.m. Go meet some buns, see how great they are, and help out a really good organization. Next let’s go to China and shut down this “farm” for swallows to make the nests that are eaten in bird’s nest soup; it looks like the missing link between an extra-horrendous Soviet-era apartment building and actual prison, and it is full of nesting birds. What happens to the “swiftlets,” a.k.a. the wee swallows for which the nests are ostensible homes? Mystery! Just like what happens inside those creepy cement walls. We know that Sweden is all about hunting wolves again this year—last year the government OKed the murder of 27, this year it’s 20. Wolves “are kept out” of the northern part of the country to prevent them eating up all the reindeer—whatever “ke[eping] out” entails—but this has led to pack isolation and inbreeding, the solution to which is clearly, obviously shooting some of them dead. Of course! Everyone is so smart.
Do they eat the wolves? We know love people love eating animals! Too bad a major report from the British government this week basically said, Meat production is totally unsustainable. Lions specifically got lucky this week, as another “let’s eat lion!” dude from Arizona (seriously what is it with that state?) bowed to public pressure and took the lion meat tacos off his menu. Now what will bored omnivores eat for thrills? GOD you’re a bunch of assholes. You’re also being completely fooled by food companies, whose claims of “health” and “structure/fuction” are poorly regulated by the Food and Drug Administration, because why wouldn’t they say anything to get you to buy their products? McDonald’s shows off its “all-natural ingredients” in its gross-ass “food” with realistic images of everything except the dead animals, which are presented as figurines. Maybe because no one who wants to eat chicken also wants to see what a dead fucking chicken looks like! On the positive side, Sodexo has chosen to participate in Meatless Mondays! Sodexo is a massive “food services provider,” this is kind of a huge and wonderful deal.
Now it’s been scientifically proven that eating more produce makes you objectively better-looking (Vegansaurus is staffed by very attractive geniuses, exclusively), maybe you non-vegans want to involve yourselves with us hot vegetable-eating bitches. If so, Laura wrote you a way better date-a-vegan guide than this nonsense from Grist, but we all know Laura is the cleverest, as evidenced by this week’s Three Vegan Dishes Worth (Temporarily) Ditching Meat and Dairy For, and The Week in Vegan. Like I said, very attractive geniuses.
Don’t forget to protest the dog show this weekend! Afterward—as in, beginning Monday and throughout the month of February—the SF SPCA is offering residents free spay/neutering services! Yeah, FREE. So you with the “intact” dog, do the world a favor and fix him/her, lest you burden the world with even more puppies it doesn’t need. WE HAVE ENOUGH PUPPIES.
[Thanks to reader Rosie for the story about bird’s nest farms! We love tips!]
From 6 to 8 pm. there’s a FREE pet fair with all sorts of awesome vendors and tons of vegan food and drinks! We’re talking vegan sandwiches from Ike’s Place, cupcakes from Fat Bottom Bakery and Sugar Beat Sweets, and cookies made with Eat Pastry Cookie Dough! There will also be tons of beer, wine, a raffle with awesome prizes, great vendors (get your holiday gifts!), adoptable ADORABLE dogs, and MORE!
Then, from 8:30 to 10:30 p.m. there will be BINGO! Served up with vegan chili pie, cornbread, and the best fucking prizes ever, including a $100 gift certificate to Millennium, Southwest plane tickets, and a signed SF Giants cap from MVP Édgar Rentería. Seriously, you gotta be there so COME! Please!
Rocket Dog is so desperate for funds right now. We want to keep up our legacy of saving the dogs that nobody else can—your pit bulls, your tripods, your one-eyed chihuahuas! Play Bingo for those who cannot! I’m crazy! See you there! Etc.!
A little self-promo because it never hurt anyone (it only just annoyed many! and still I rise!). My band (that’s right, I said BAND, I am in a BAND because I am VERY MUSICALLY TALENTED), Dino Bike, is playing at Hemlock Tavern on NEXT Sunday, Aug. 29. We do amazing shit like medleys from Top Gun and throw vegan cupcakes into the audience. Also, there might be some stripping involved and playing of cow bell by Leanne from Vaute Couture! OH and our opening band, Red Light Circuit. Oh, they’re just OPENING FOR HANSON NEXT MONTH. That’s all.
SERIOUSLY, it’s gonna be ridic. and IN ADDITION TO THE RIDICULOUSNESS:
Every penny raised will go to help pay for TPLO surgery for my dog, Hazel, who is the most beautiful, wonderful, perfect pit bull in all the land and also, ONE EXPENSIVE BITCH! This year on self-care, I’ve spent about $5 (showers are for fools! I will not conform to society’s arbitrary* standards for hygiene!) and on Hazel-care, about $6,000. So anyway, the show is only five bucks and you’re gonna get some vegan treats out of it (uh… anyone want to bake??) and I’ll pass around donation jars and you might get to see some bazoongas. Not a bad deal, at all!
Also, Jonas from Vegansaurus is in the band, and Jordan is maybe in the band. So really, it’s a Vegansaurus spectacular! And I’m gonna write this all up in The Bold Italic so if you come and make a big enough scene, your name will be in print!
Now, please, RSVP, s’il vous plaît!
Hey! You guys! I’ve written a story on how to get into a vegan’s pants on The Bold Italic. It’s basically a how-to guide on dating vegans in SF and it’s as sexy as it sounds! Please go read it and learn even more about being SEXY and VEGAN in SAN FRANCISCO. Key word search, activate!
Vegan wining, spiritual dining, the names of milk, the miracle of elephants and MORE in today’s link-o-rama! »
Sweet Avenue presents: Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson cupcakes? Marilyn Manson I can live without, but I will take all the Gaga ones RIGHT NOW, PLEASE.
Have you entered our contest yet? You could WIN A SHIRT! Come on, son!
Vegan-style events for you!
Remember, the Women Entrepreneurs Showcase happens on Sunday in Berkeley, with a vegan catered lunch for only $4! Be at the David Brower Center at 2150 Allston Way from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.—lunch begins at noon.
The Recess Ends DVD release party is set for next Friday, May 7 at Medicine Agency, 1262 Mason St. at Jackson Street in San Francisco. The Recess Ends is a documentary about national unemployment—it sounds interesting, definitely worth a look. The screening starts at 8 p.m.
Miscellaneous items of varying importance!
Pajamactivism for the day: oppose the oil and gas leasing on the Outer Continental Shelf (via Defenders of Wildlife); ask Ahold to boycott Canadian seafood (via HSUS);’ Californians, contact members of the state Senate Appropriations Committee to express your opposition to SB 1345, which would legalize the importation and sale of kangaroo meat (via BAARN). “Pajamactivism”—y/n?
Aw you guys! CNN has the sweetest article about last weekend’s Worldwide Vegan Bakesale, with lots of photos of food you want to eat and people—and animals—you want to hug. San Francisco’s will happen next weekend, because of schedules, and whatever, you’ll get your desserts.
Baby activists: you could get scholarships for your awesome veg lifestyle! The Wall Street Journal finds it all a little silly—these children and their microloans, haven’t they money of their own?—but we say, go for it!
We’ve got all kinds of non-dairy milks made of all kinds of items, but we don’t have chickpea milk—yet. Israel does, though, and yes please we would like to try it.
The dairy industry, torturers of cows for profit (and fun?), would like the entire world to stop calling all non-animal milk “milk” and start calling it “imitation milk,” toute de suite. According to the National Milk Producers Federation, “soy milk” is a “bastardization of dairy terms.” Alternatively: "soy jism." Yes, someone outside of a creepy Western romance novel full of rape and cattle-roping still uses that word.
Attention pescatarians: you may now ease your consciences by purchasing your fish at Target and Wal-Mart, two of the top five purveyors of sustainable seafood as rated by Greenpeace. We are thrilled for you.
An Antioch, Calif. animal shelter killed two pit bulls this week, in apparent violation of the Hayden Act and despite the hard work of animal advocates. Life is so awesome, you guys.
"Foodies" are vegans, by which I mean, "white, affluent cultural snobs" and “elitists” who “romanticize poverty” and are basically terrible jerks who love eating. Get it?
On that note: need vegan wine recommendations? The Chronicle has an article about making and pairing wine in a “meat two ways!” world.
Let’s celebrate May Day with veal for a nickel! This doesn’t make me want to punch anyone in the stomach AT ALL. I’m also not at all irritated by the “Chicken wars” title of Michael Bauer’s little blog about all the delicious fried chicken choices in Southeast Kansas. “Chicken wars—whose tortured, murdered chicken has been prepared most tastily?” Man, fuck you guys.
OK, deep, cleansing breath: perhaps a visit to one of our fine city’s many cult-ish religion-run veg restaurants would help. Jackson West seemed to have a lovely time at all of them (I have been craving Golden Era for weeks, incidentally).
You can’t get Pizza Hut on military bases anymore, but you can get it in some prisons. Thanks, Aramark!
The down in your lovely soft comforter was most likely plucked from a living goose, which “constitutes torture.” Because you can only pluck a dead goose once, but you can pluck a living goose up to four times before you have to kill it! HA HA HA.
Letterman and his audience may find the idea of chicken activism high-larious, but after Ira Glass visited a rescued chicken farm, he went vegetarian. Fuck yeah Karen Davis!
The internet’s been all up in a bunch about discovering that chimpanzees grasp the concepts of “dying” and “death,” but I feel like Jane Goodall sort of already knew this 40 years ago? Regardless: if this leads to NEVER EXPERIMENTING ON THEM AGAIN, I’ll be happy; otherwise, science can shut the fuck up with its amazing animal discoveries and no heart.
You know what other animals are amazing? Elephants, duh! This week, an elephant in the Houston zoo made friends with a pit bull, which is apparently the only way a pit bull can be adopted in Houston, Texas. An elephant and dog in Tennessee are best friends, too, though that’s on an elephant sanctuary rather than a gross-out zoo. We also learned this week that elephants have a specific word meaning “let’s get out of here, there are bees around,” leading me to believe elephant language is rather like German.