Product review: Zenergy Power Balls! »
First, let’s get it out of the way. Phew, I feel better already. Now, down to business.
Zenergy Power Balls are the tasty energetic brain child of Peggy Sue Honeyman-Scott. Basically, they’re a healthy snack alternative that are raw, vegan, gluten-free, and totally organic. Honestly, they are really incredibly good for you and if you ate only Zenergy Power Balls for the rest of your life, you’d probably live to be as old as Joan Rivers (NOBODY knows how old she is, not even her. Especially even her). They’re dates and nuts that have been rolled up sprinkled with goodness like maca, mesquite, and “Chinese herbs.” I thought they’d be disgusting but they weren’t! They were actually quite tasty. I wouldn’t crave them as one might crave a cookie, but also, cookies aren’t a superfood. Snacks like this sometimes confuse me because hey, if you want a cookie, eat a freaking cookie, there’s no need to punish yourself with a Frookie. On the flip side, if you want to eat something healthy, have an apple, you know? But actually, these things are somewhere between and I can imagine would be an excellent post- or pre-workout snack and good to keep in your office desk to get you through the rest of the hellish day. Seriously, quit your job, come live with me; I can’t stand the thought of any of you working at terrible office jobs, arriving at the buttcrack of dawn (9 a.m.) and working until long after midnight (6 p.m.)—it’s inhumane! I can save you! But first, you must earn enough money to fund both yourself and me for a few years. In other news, I think I just started a cult?
Anyhoo, buy and eat Zenergy Power Balls and Go Balls-Out on Your Future! Other possible slogans:
Zenergy Power Balls: The Ball’s the Limit
Zenergy Power Balls: When You’re Balls to the Wall, Eat Our Balls
Zenergy Power Balls: When Life Hands You Lemons, Eat Our Balls
Zenergy Power Balls: You Won’t Sweat Our Balls
Zenergy Power Balls: We’re Not Dickin’ Around, Our Balls Are the Best!