vegansaurus!

07/16/2009

Shave me off some “meat,” please  »

Hot dogs are already synonymous with “vomitous mixture of ground animal parts that out of context the eater would never sincerely eat,” and they have friends now: the animal parts that make up a gyro cone. This is an especially nauseating video, which everyone who has ever eaten and/or plans to eat a gyro must (be forced to) watch, because, holy shit.

Did you know that gyros were hideous lamb-parts, breadcrumb and water amalgams? I did not, and now I want to die.

The Turkish equivalent is called döner kebab—the animal parts are also shaved off a rotating meat-cone, horribly glistening in the heat of the “rotisserie.” In Berlin there is a place that makes a vegan version, called Vöner, which I’m told is pretty tasty. Remember, one of the rules of veganism is that as long as it is completely vegan, any meat substitute—no matter how morally/gustatorialy/&c. revolting—is totally fine to eat. I advise that if you are starving in Germany at some ungodly hour when only the döner stands are open, order one with no meat or sauce. It is vegetables in a big fluffy pita-type bread, and they charge you less than half-price, and it will get you home/wherever proper food awaits.

If nothing else, you can at least laugh at reporter David Segal, who despite including a phonetic (ish) pronunciation of the word “gyro” in his article, still manages to mispronounce it—multiple times!!—in that just-under-90-second-long video. One does not get the impression that he has since stopped eating gyros, but Vegansaurus isn’t much for making baseless assumptions, or harsh judgments, so saying something like, “Watching what was once lamb get mushed up and formed into a creepy meat-cone should make a person stop eating shavings from that meat cone, and that it does not speaks very poorly of that person’s capacity for connecting his/her food-product with the reality of its production,” would be very out of character.

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