How to make an Unturkey! (Seriously, do this for Thanksgiving)  »

OK, so Thanksgiving is almost here. I think. It’s next week, right? To prepare for the main event, your Vegansaurus took one for the team and made a motherfucking UNTURKEY. I made it the original Unturkey way and I made one the new Miyoko Schinner one (she’s the original creator of the Unturkey and has made some alterations since the recipe was originally printed). 

They were both DELICIOUS, with the original way being slightly juicier, and the Miyoko way being easier to make and work with. However, you really can’t lose, especially with that tasty-ass, crispy yuba skin that takes so much like actual turkey skin, WHICH I KNOW GROSS RIGHT, but also: YUMMMM. Let’s not front, most of us don’t eat meat because it tastes disgusting, most of us don’t eat meat because that shit is a DEAD ANIMAL, and a tortured dead animal, at that, and that shit is hella sad. 

Just a few notes:

  • It’s much easier than it looks, so don’t be intimidated by either recipe. Just read through so you get the gist, and just have fun with it! (I’m saying that with a flip of the hair, it’s very sassy!)
  • If you can afford it, get the Hodo Soy Beanery yuba! It’s perfection when crispy-fied, and realllllly easy to work with! I bought it at Berkeley Bowl West, where they also have the dried yuba, which is much cheaper, but not organic and harder to work with. So, depending on budget, your call!
  • If you don’t want to make the “Light Nutritional Yeast Flavoring,” 1) YOU REALLY SHOULD, it’s not hard! and 2) You can use a vegan chicken broth in its place (they sell it in bulk at places like Rainbow and Berkeley Bowl)
  • This is outrageously tasty times, but if you have omnis who are dead set on eating actual dead turkey (WHY? EVERYONE KNOWS IT’S THE LEAST DELICIOUS OF ALL MEATS) and will complain about anything “fake,” then you might want to also have some non-traditional vegan centerpiece dishes too, the VegNews newsletter has mad ideas for this! But srsly, the Unturkey might switch ‘em, so force them to eat some of it, too!

Okay, so here’s what the inside looks like:

Here’s before I baked a massive one:

Here’s after I baked a massive one (THAT SHIT LOOKS LIKE TURKEY RIGHT? TASTES LIKE IT TOO):

Here are some other photos for your enjoyment, as well. Jonas made unturkey noodle soup! That shit was bananas! Or, that soup was hella tasty!

Happy unturkeying fools!


Recipe for Now & Zen’s Unturkey!  »

Inarguably the best vegan turkey that’s ever been on the market. It’s gone now (SAD) but you can still bow down to her glory by making this beautiful bitch! Seriously, if you’re looking for a vegan holiday masterpiece, unturkey is the word!

It’s just so unbelievably moist (ew) and meaty (ew) and you’ll be so happy you made it and even happier that you ate it but not so happy when you feel disgusting after you can’t stop eating it. Purge and REPEAT! JK about the purge part but not about the repeating. 

Here’s what a finished unbird looks like, and wait until you see the insides! Grody! And delicious! 


Wordspy’s lessons in vegan vocabulary!  »

Hey young world, my pal Kev showed me this site Wordspy, “a Word Lover’s Guide to New Words,” because he knows I love the words. I’m into it! I thought I might see if they have any vegan-related terms, and do they ever! For your enjoyment, I bring you the latest and greatest in veggie vocab!

Ape diet: A vegetarian diet that emphasizes soy protein, soluble fiber, nuts, and leafy green vegetables.
Ethical eater
: A person who only or mostly eats food that meets certain ethical guidelines, particularly organically grown food and humanely raised meat, poultry, and fish.
: A person who eats a mostly vegetarian diet, but who is also willing to eat meat or fish occasionally.
: A person, usually a vegan, who consumes only food that is obtained by foraging, most often in the garbages of restaurants, grocery stores, and other retailers.
: A person who eats whatever he or she can find, particularly food that has been discarded.
: A person who supplements a vegetarian diet with fish. —adj. Also: piscetarian.
retro defiance
: Hostility towards current ideas about healthy living, which includes a return to allegedly non-healthy activities such as smoking cigars, drinking martinis, and eating steak.
Slow Food
: An agricultural and gastronomic movement that emphasizes traditional, organic growing methods and the appreciation of fine food and wine.
: Tofu molded into the shape of a turkey. Also: Tofurky. [It’s a brand, and it hasn’t got an “e” in it. Bad call, wordspy.]
: A person who eats a vegan diet before 6 p.m., and then whatever they want after that. (From the phrase “vegan before 6.”)
vegangelical: An extremely zealous vegan who is eager to make other people believe in and convert to veganism. (Blend of vegan and evangelical.)
vegivore: A person who craves or has a special fondness for vegetables. Also: vegevore.
victimless meat: Meat grown from a tissue culture.

OK, who’s got more?! This is fun! At least for me! And word nerds like myself! Here! I just made up another! Off the top of the dome:
: Someone who won’t stop talking about how much they just love cheese and bacon: BORING!


Don’t miss Miyoko Schinner of Now & Zen tonight!  »

Anyone who remembers the UnTurkey, HipWhip, and all those other Now & Zen products (like the UnChicken cutlets with fake crispy skin, SO GOOD) that mysteriously disappeared from the shelves in 2006 won’t want to miss this tonight. Miyoko Schinner will be presenting her latest cooking DVD and giving out samples at the Mission Station Community Room, 630 Valencia St. at 17th Street, at 6 p.m. Here’s the press release that I’m too lazy to summarize:

Author, chef and cooking instructor Miyoko Schinner has created and promoted healthful, vegan cuisine for 30 years. As the founder of Now and Zen, initially a restaurant and then vegan food manufacturer with nationwide distribution, she developed products such as the UnTurkey, HipWhip, a line of gourmet vegan cakes, and a low-fat vegan chocolate chip cookie that is still enjoyed by customers on United Airlines. She is the author of three vegan cookbooks and is a former contributor to publications such as Vegetarian Times magazine.

Along with the presentation, enjoy a fabulous vegan dinner handcrafted by Patricia Allen Koot, NC, certified Nutrition Educator. Patricia’s dinners continue to receive excellent reviews. This totally health-supporting vegan dinner will be made without eggs, dairy or honey, and prepared without oil or added sugars. Patricia makes a real effort to accommodate food allergies and intolerances, so do email or call her if you have a special need.

Best of all, the dinner is all-you-can-eat. Don’t worry about serving size, fill your plate several times over, and take some home for lunch and dinner the next day.

The event asks for a $15 minimum donation, which covers the all-you-can-eat dinner and whatever else you can stuff in your pockets. RSVP to 707/ 774-1904 or send an email. I just called and there are still a few spots left, so hurry!

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