Make yourself useful, San Francisco! »
What do we love? Animals! What do we want? To keep them from being sold in pet stores in San Francisco! How can we do this? By attending today’s Animal Welfare Commission meeting at 5:30 p.m. in room 408 at City Hall!
The city already prevents selling cats and dogs in stores, but animals like birds have it hard. Last year, Mickaboo took in over 400 birds, “most of which originally came from pet stores,” according to Director Tammy Azzaro. And a lot of them are now exotic parrots like Macaws, African Greys, and some species of Amazon, which are going extinct because people are so crazy about owning pretty birdies.
Go on tonight and support this issue. Thanks to Tammy and Mickaboo for alerting us to it (hence our focus on birds). It doesn’t take much to show up and say, I do not want animals sold in stores in my city, and it means a lot.
Tonight—and you might even be able to do both!—is also the first meeting of the SF Orchards project, supported by TransitionSF. The idea is to plant perennial fruit trees around the city, which sounds so, so great. Fruit trees! Fruit for the citizenry! This first meeting will “create a working group that will assess the available spaces, organizations that need to be onboard, design a plan for planting, caring, and harvesting trees.”
So what are you going to do, activists? Sit at home in front of all three-and-a-half hours of today’s Tour de France stage? You DVRed that shit, watch it after you’ve been a good citizen! Besides, you already know what all those jerks are going to say, anyway, and would it kill fucking Versus—or professional cycling—to feature women outside of the podium girls? Never mind all that, San Francisco, tonight you’re going to speak against selling animals, and you’re going to help plan urban fruit trees, and we love you for it.
Urban farming gets WACKY with Triumph’s rice-growing bra »
I think we’re all supposed to say “oh those WACKY JAPANESE” because nothing says “I’m not actually racist” better than writing about an entire population as a singular entity perpetually obsessed with family honor and tentacle/schoolgirl fantasies. But really, what else will CRAZY JAPAN think up next? Triumph’s rice-growing bra is the perfect gift for the femivore on your list who’s too busy at the club to tend to her backyard rice patties.
No word on if the bra is lined (or removable) because that shit’s going to get nasty at some point during your rice’s 110-day growing cycle. But don’t worry, if you lose patience with your miracle of edible life, rice-patty bra can double as an iPad stand for your/my instant Netflix addiction. Which reminds me, it’s probably time to queue up Idiocracy again, because if we’ve found a way to sexualize urban homesteading, “Adult Tax Returns” and “Extra Big-Ass Fries” can’t be too far off.
What do you suppose those babies are for, indigent pregnant teens? They’re a lot more expensive to raise than, say, rabbits, “the ideal urban farm animal…[because] they can feed almost exclusively on Dumpstered items like lettuce, stale bread,* etc.”
Don’t worry, underage mothers: raising and slaughtering animals will get you back to your pre-pregnancy weight in no time! Just be sure to sufficiently nurse your human infant; milk-fed baby animals have the sweetest flesh.
*Lie: rabbits should not eat bread.