Vegan meats galore: Veggie Brothers review!  »

Veggie Brothers is a mail-order restaurant that I had always wanted to try (I especially like anything mail-order: Restaurants! Wine! Brides!) but had never had the time to wait for the food nor the money to fulfill their $60-plus-shipping minimum order (because despite what you may be led to believe by television, graduate students are neither rich nor glamorous). That’s why I about had an aneurysm when Veggie Brothers reached out to Vegansaurus and asked us to review the gourmet offerings on their site. I was also excited because Veggie Brothers reposted something I wrote about Lady Gaga’s meat dress on Facebook a couple months ago, and I’m a sucker for the approval that I never received from my parents.

I tried to rope my mother into doing this with me because she will not eat anything unless it is covered in meat and then fried in meat and cheese because “is healthy, Mark! Russians very healthy! You be anemic soon and you die and you feel bad because Mommy warn you!” Unfortunately, my mother was away on another one of her cruises (she goes on at least three a year) so I had to resign myself to forcing Allen to eat with me while we watched Oprah (Allen’s unreasonable demand) by romantic candlelight.

Our first adventure began when it was time to receive the food. One of the downsides to the mail-order restaurant model is that you have to be home in order to receive the food, which is sent packed in dry ice in a special cooler. This may be a problem if you are terrible at planning/don’t have a place for UPS to leave the package/aren’t at home very much. We had to play tag with UPS which actually included me running after a truck and insisting there was a package for me. Unfortunately, there was not. The package was in another truck that I did not have to chase down! As soon as we got the package inside the house, Allen and I immediately proceeded to have the best time pretending we were Dr. Frankenstein while unpacking the food and putting it in our freezer. If shipping is a downside, then the way that these products are shipped are a major plus for me! Dry ice in a styrofoam cooler? Food in reusable plastic bags? I’m there!

Let me be honest with you: I was not expecting much. The directions on each of the bags (and we had six) was to plop the individual entrees (still in their packaging) into boiling water or to microwave them for a few minutes. I’ve had frozen dinners before. They may look good on the box, but once you’ve heated them, they’re just not that great. If you know what I’m talking about, you understand why I was expecting to be disappointed. However, Allen and I bravely soldiered on, putting the food onto decorative plates (I cannot believe we own such a thing) and discussing its merit as we watched Oprah interview someone who had overcome one life-threatening condition or another.

What follows is a detailed review of exactly what Allen and I ate and how we felt about it. We tried to order the most exotic/hard-to-make dishes we could, our assumption being that if the harder dishes were good, then the simple ones must be fantastic. I do not know if this is a fair assumption, but it got me to try vegan Mahi-Mahi, which for me is good enough.

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Product review: Ro & Co. vegan bags!  »

Ro & Co. is a vegan handbag company based in Montreal (that’s totally in Canada!) that launched last year, and they’re pretty dope. First, I love Canada. All the best white comedians are from Canada and Canada produces the best teen dramas in THE WORLD! Seriously, we would be way better adjusted if we watched Canadian teen shows instead of 90210; they have episodes just about like getting boners in math class! And then half the kids are weird looking ,and another quarter are just plain busted. It’s the best! Secondly, I love vegan bags so this company is right up my alley!

Because I am a superstar vegan fashionteer (“fashionista” makes me vom), Ro & Co. sent me a bag to review.* Yay! Canadian vegan shwag! This purse is the Audrina from the Caiman collection. It’s a clutch—I’m totally into clutches. They make you look like a lady! Which is as close to being a lady as I will ever get. Normally I like the wristlet kind because I lose things like it’s my job, but on special occasions I’ll roll with the regular strapless clutch. I really like the way the purse looks; it’s kind of ladylike, kind of badass. The weaving adds interest to the plain shape and makes it cool. It doesn’t look like leather, it looks more on the plastic, but it’s supposed to be crocodile/patent-leather-style so that’s what I was expecting. My main concern is that it’s not lined! The purse is actually woven pieces of the faux leather so there are nooks and crannies on the interior. They’re only big enough to steal nickels and pennies from you but still, it would be soooo much nicer if it was lined.

Check me out, I made an official outfit to go with the purse! Perfect for a night on the town! You know, like the magazines do! Goddamn I’m so adorable, I don’t know how you stand it. The earrings are from some store in the Mission. Don’t be jealous. The shoes are Novacas from Mooshoes and they are the hotness. They go really well with a vodka tonic too because the heel is too high for me to walk in while I’m sober.

Oh! BOYS! They got wallets and whatnot—you know, boy stuff. Because money is for boys.

*FTC disclosure: The purse was sent to me by Ro & Co. to review.

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