Give the children what they want: chocolate milk!  »

Big Ag and six-year-olds agree—chocolate milk in schools! Wait, wait, so I’m being told that children want a sugary, chocolate drink with their school lunches? No way! My eyes must be playing a joke on me when I read that Big Ag is arguing that fruit juices have just as much sugar as chocolate milk, so chocolate milk is the OBVIOUS choice. Plus, you know, if first-graders aren’t drinking milk, they will have calcium deficiencies, as everyone knows the only way to get calcium is milk.

NOT! Human animals can get calcium the same way cows do—by eating leafy greens. And I’m not trying to say six-year-olds aren’t sharp, but I wanted a unicorn in first grade.* Just sayin’.

Aw, remember these videos? Too bad it’s all lies and dairy milk causes clogged arteries! Gross. Almond milk will make you strong! Unless you’re allergic—then you just might get hives. Hemp? Oatmeal? Soy? There is a whole slew of delicious alternatives!

*While I pined for a unicorn, other kiddies were off saving the world with veggie recipes. Here’s my favorite cornbread recipe, created by an 11-year-old, Dana Sly! It turns out perfect every time I make it!

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