Eagle accidentally saves poodle’s life! »
You guys, this is NUTS!
An eagle was flying over that country up there* and was all, “Man, I’m STARVING!” and down below he saw this scraggly, neglected little toy poodle and so the eagle was all, “Imma get me a snack!” and snatches up the dog. So, they’re all flying along (the eagle to a suitable luncheon spot, the poodle to her death) and the eagle was all, “Man, you’re hella heavy! Forget this!” and drops the poor poodle! An aside: As the poodle was falling from the sky, I imagine the eagle screamed after her, “Lose some weight and then we’ll talk, heifer!” Bitch.
Luckily, the poodle landed in front of a nursing home** and they immediately rushed her to the SPCA, where she went into emergency surgery and her life was saved! Hooray! Now, she’s healing and needs an awesome home AND donations to help pay for some dental surgery for her fucked teeth. To be fair, the teeth weren’t the eagle’s fault. Or maybe the eagle was all, “DAYAM YOUR TEETH ARE FUCKED, GIRL! I can’t be seen with this!” and then dropped the dog? Who knows, I am no eagle whisperer.
*Extent of my geographical knowledge. What? I’m a product of the American school system! You’re lucky I know up from down!
**Man, what an awesome nursing home! I bet there aren’t any cases of elder abuse at that place! Since I’m probably not gonna have kids to depend on/forsake me, I want you to dump me in their yard when I can no longer care for myself.*** They’ll know what to do.
***10 years, tops.