Demetri Martin schools us on vegan vocab! »
You guys! Demetri Martin defines “Strict Vegetarian” for us: “That’s someone who eats only fruits and vegetables that have been disciplined in some way—like, for example, corn that was grown in a perfect row, or grapes that were stomped by someone in uniform.”
Finally! We know what a strict vegetarian is! I’m sure it counts for “strict vegan” too. If you don’t know who Demetri Martin is, you are probably over 25. Well, Old Person, he’s a hilarious comedian! And we’re kind of lovers because I saw him at a comedy show once and I told him he was funny and he said “thanks” and I ran away. What I’m trying to say is yes, I’m pregnant with his baby (at least I think it’s his baby. Fingers crossed!). As the mother of (maybe) his child, you can imagine I was a little hurt he didn’t give me first dibs on this exclusive but I guess this will do: Esquire has posted an excerpt from Martin’s book, This Is a Book.
What’s more, the excerpt is for some reason all about vegans and raw food and whatnot! This is my favorite diet phase he enters: “Then I decided to eat only raw foods that had the letters from the word ‘vegan’ in their name (like ‘agave’). I was, at that point, what they call a ‘Literal Vegan’ (a vegan whose diet is based on wordplay).”
See, he’s funny. I like that for his book, he probably just sat down and shat onto a page and then Random House was all, “HERE’S A MILLION-DOLLAR ADVANCE AND SEVEN GIRLS IN TOMS SHOES.” Ugh, our lives are so very different! And by different, I mean his life is considerably better! Large-nosed-white-men-who-tell-jokes-in-the-style-of-Mitch-Hedberg-but-who-aren’t-quite-as-funny-as-Mitch-Hedberg-RIP, I salute you. You have really “gotten one over” on America. Good job, dudes!
Wordspy’s lessons in vegan vocabulary! »
Hey young world, my pal Kev showed me this site Wordspy, “a Word Lover’s Guide to New Words,” because he knows I love the words. I’m into it! I thought I might see if they have any vegan-related terms, and do they ever! For your enjoyment, I bring you the latest and greatest in veggie vocab!
Ape diet: A vegetarian diet that emphasizes soy protein, soluble fiber, nuts, and leafy green vegetables.
Ethical eater: A person who only or mostly eats food that meets certain ethical guidelines, particularly organically grown food and humanely raised meat, poultry, and fish.
flexitarian: A person who eats a mostly vegetarian diet, but who is also willing to eat meat or fish occasionally.
freegan: A person, usually a vegan, who consumes only food that is obtained by foraging, most often in the garbages of restaurants, grocery stores, and other retailers.
opportunivore: A person who eats whatever he or she can find, particularly food that has been discarded.
pescetarian: A person who supplements a vegetarian diet with fish. —adj. Also: piscetarian.
retro defiance: Hostility towards current ideas about healthy living, which includes a return to allegedly non-healthy activities such as smoking cigars, drinking martinis, and eating steak.
Slow Food: An agricultural and gastronomic movement that emphasizes traditional, organic growing methods and the appreciation of fine food and wine.
Tofurkey: Tofu molded into the shape of a turkey. Also: Tofurky. [It’s a brand, and it hasn’t got an “e” in it. Bad call, wordspy.]
VB6: A person who eats a vegan diet before 6 p.m., and then whatever they want after that. (From the phrase “vegan before 6.”)
vegangelical: An extremely zealous vegan who is eager to make other people believe in and convert to veganism. (Blend of vegan and evangelical.)
vegivore: A person who craves or has a special fondness for vegetables. Also: vegevore.
victimless meat: Meat grown from a tissue culture.
OK, who’s got more?! This is fun! At least for me! And word nerds like myself! Here! I just made up another! Off the top of the dome:
Borivore: Someone who won’t stop talking about how much they just love cheese and bacon: BORING!