Breaking: Paul the octopus dies at two and a half years old  »

It’s a sad day. Paul, the famous World Cup-match-predicting octopus, died in his sleep last night. He was two and a half years old, which is kind of old for a common octopus (seriously, that’s what they call his type of octopus, so “rags to riches”); their life expectancy in the wild is one to two years. But poor Paul died never knowing freedom! Well Paul, hopefully now you are swimming free in that big ocean in the sky, totally hooking up with chicks and watching digital cable. Meave, kick some German:
Gute Nacht, lieber Kraken. Du fehlst uns alle.


Paul muss frei!  »

I love octopuses and hate everybody! Nothing new about that but I have a renewed hatred for everybody. Why are they trying to fry up Paul?! Paul, the psychic octopus who is famous for predicting the outcome of the World Cup, received death threats from his German and Dutch brethren! Maybe you don’t have jerky friends like me but last week everyone on Facebook (ever heard of it?) was posting recipes for fried octopus and whatnot. LO-fricking-L.

Really, what’s so funny about that? It’s not like people don’t already eat octopus. Hey guys, I’m going to post a recipe for hamburgers! Waka waka!

This is what I hate about “working” animals; they do all this stuff for people and then they just get shit on. I swear, one headline read, “The First Millionaire Octopus?” I’m not linking it because it’s stupid. Here’s the gist: Paul is retiring from sports prediction and entering the advertising business. Also, CNN is stupid. I’m so totally sure Paul is going to reap the benefits of “his” millions. A million dollars could build a pretty big aquarium, which is the VERY LEAST Sea Life could do for him. In other minimalism: the owners are saying his advertising career won’t actually involve him directly, just his fame. We can at least say danke for that. [Ed.: Claire Zulkey wrote something sensible about Paul as well that you might like to read!]

After these death threats, PETA Germany is petitioning for the release of Paul. Cross your tentacles, Paul, and hang in there!

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