Who’s gonna die of heart disease? People who eat lots of meaty meat meat full of carnitine, the wickedest amino acid that goes crazy in your intestines and hardens your arteries. “[T]he more you eat red meat … the more you develop this bacteria, which then develops this harmful metabolite, so it really is sort of a snowballing effect.” This study compared red meat-eaters to vegetarians and vegans, and the non-meat-eaters came out with “very little of this bacteria, and very little of this effect.”
You want nice useful arteries? Stop eating meat. Duh.
(Source: The Wall Street Journal)
Hostess files for bankruptcy! »
The Wall Street Journal reports today that Hostess is filing for Chapter 22, which means “restructuring” and also “we’re totally gonna fuck the unions and everyone in our pension plan on this one, investors! Promise!”
As vegans, we’re primarily concerned with our source of inspiration for classic vegan junk food. Thank goodness for Source and our supremely talented Jenny Bradley! For those of you without Source (or Jenny!): What Hostess products are you gonna veganize in 2012?
Meet some vegans who can kick anyone’s ass!
May I present two examples of vegan pro-athletes who could make cauliflower puree out of any skeptic giving you a hard time about your diet? Make friends with them! Ask them to be your bodyguards! Let’s start a set of vegan athlete trading cards!
Exhibit A: WWE superstar Daniel Bryan
When “superstar” is your for-real job title, there’s not much else to say. Bryan shows off his bad acting skills in the above video for Peta, but you gotta love him. Earlier this year, he told peta2 about how he went veg:
“With WWE, just being on the road all the time, your immune system just gets worn down. In 2009, I ended up getting three different staph infections and two different other skin infections. I went to the doctor…. He gave me a couple options of what we could do but one of things he said that helps out his patients a lot is trying to go vegan. I said I’m open for anything at this point….
So, anyway I started going vegan then, and this whole year my energy levels have been great, I haven’t gotten any skin infections. Right now I’m 198 lbs. which is the heaviest I’ve weighed since 2003…. I’m stronger right now than I’ve ever been…. I’m dead-lifting more than I ever have before.”
Exhibit B: Tour de France cyclist David Zabriskie
Starting Saturday, this dude’s going to be the first person ever to try the world’s premiere bike race on a “vegan” diet. [Scare quotes are because he’s going to eat salmon twice a week to “help with iron absorption” which is obviously lame, but I’m giving him points for trying.]
Tour riders need 8,000 calories a day, which is spectacular because think how much FOOD you get to eat! Seriously, close your eyes and imagine that. Here’s what Zabriskie plans to eat on race days, according to the Wall Street Journal:
Oatmeal with black strap molasses; whole food optimizer; cacao nibs; nuts; cinnamon; two tablespoons of coconut butter; an apple; hemp seeds and flax seeds
Six Clif Bar Z bars (vegan); two Clif Bar shot blocks (vegan); two Clif Bar gels (vegan); dates; six to eight bottles of special team race drink
On the bus, post-race
White rice with maple syrup and cinnamon; vegan protein shake; two bottles of special team recovery protein drink; goji berries
Vegan protein shake
White rice or pasta; salad with leafy greens; vegetables—including broccoli, spinach, carrots and beets.
Fresh fruit and a vegan protein shake before bed
Wow, no donuts or anything. Dude’s got willpower. I guess that’s what it takes to go pro. I’m off to eat a popsicle now—strictly amateur here. Go vegans!
Almond milk is where it’s AT! »
The Wall Street Journal reports that almond milk is rocketing to stardom in the “dairy” aisle. Go on with your bad self, delicious almond milk! As you know, Megan Rascal is already a fan, and the rest of your Vegansaurus are pretty much on board, too. Well, by “the rest of,” I mean myself because HELLO BONBONS. I personally believe that Almond Dream bonbons are the reason for the season and by the season, I mean my fat ass. Love those things!
The dairy industry are typical assholes about the whole thing and complain very much about the competition and BOO FUCKING HOO, ASSHOLES. Everyone buy almond milk by the busload and recommend it to all your friends and buy it as birthday gifts—what! you’re already the weirdo vay-gun aunt, why not complete The Transformation—and let’s bring down those ungodly sociopaths. I, for one, am doing my part by eating my weight (and your weight) in Almond Milk Bon Bons, available at Whole Foods, Rainbow, and corner stores the city over!